“Being submissive is not bad.”
Internalizing that has honestly not been a struggle for me. But I can see how it could have been.
In youth, being “submissive” is frequently called things from “boring” to “well-behaved”. The trait, whatever it’s called, doesn’t make friends often. Might lose friends, might not, but gaining them is rare. Teasing happens, as does pressure to “grow up” and rebel a little.
A peer might try to take advantage of it. A common mistake they make, though, is not realizing that they’re probably disrupting a power hierarchy already in place. If the peer gets between the submissive one and those they’re already submissive to, the peer is unlikely to succeed.
Peer friends who don’t apply pressure are a healthy addition.
Now, you have that submissive one as an adult in kink. Choosing a side of the slash probably wasn’t hard, but what about all the messages that come with it?
People talking about craving the feeling of submission, giving up power, control, and authority. “Yes, yes, yes!” says that submissive one.
But the more they look, the more conflicting messages there are. The same people talking about the joy of submission burst out laughing when the submissive one does what their D/M-type tells them. Look at them being told what to do—that’s hilarious. How embarrassing.
It can be discouraging for the submissive one who thought that doing what they were told was a fairly standard and big part of the idea.
The more they hear what other people have to say, the more it seems that being a brat is almost the default, and it seems like anything else is side-eyed.
They’re eager to participate in discussions with other s-types, then find that the others view “told my Dom to screw off” as fine problem solving for the role. They look at the written report system of their relationship and feel out of place.
They find a writing that resonates about the feeling of surrender, going, “Yes!” again, until that line halfway through that turns it around, about all of the force required to cause losing control. They would feel terrible if it required force to make them submit in their relationship. They frown at the page.
Are their thoughts really so rare—could they even be bad?
I’ve experienced all of this and more. If you’re submissive and not a brat, would rather give your submission than have it taken, and take pride in it—it can feel lonely.
But, you’re not the only one, and sometimes, that’s what matters.