On Finding Time for Yourself as a Slave

Firstly, the perhaps obvious: what finding time for yourself looks like (including the need to do it yourself) does depend on the people, the dynamic, if you got to negotiate, etc.

Some issues you might run into include a) just having the time at all for your own things, b) managing that time (and the temptation to rest and relax when you catch a break, not engage in a high-energy hobby of your own), c) finding unbroken chunks of time where you’re not passing by a reminder of something you should and doing it, or having a timer go off for the laundry or starting dinner, or having, “Slave!” yelled across the house or whatnot.  (There’s a reason I’m required to notify her on the usually rare occasions when I take/make vanilla calls.)

There’s also, generally, that your time isn’t yours.  If your M-type wants to make you late somewhere, or wants to make you wait in position to be unleashed from the bed for half an hour (or forgets you’re there)—that’s their choice, and you (probably) don’t get to complain about it much.  You learn to work with it.

I maintain pretty much one good friend I see independently of Mistress, and there are plenty of times I have to see them in person at our house, so I can keep an eye on a slow-simmer dinner or talk while I do chores, and I might get called away to go do something like fetch coffee.  And one household of vanilla family.  You might find a lack of time for huge circles of independent friends, but many people are happy without that in general.  

When I had a family emergency last year, I was officially put on (and later taken off) “light slave duty” to allow time to see to that.  That might be a possibility in emergencies for many others.

Honestly, it’s mostly the routine service stuff that adds up more than projects.  My morning routine (which I’d need permission to really modify) can take up to two hours, including exercise, throwing on my uniform, making the bed, little stuff like that.  Not to mention evening routine.  Dinner usually takes my attention for about an hour and fifteen minutes for cooking (either fairly active or at least having to keep an eye on it), half hour for eating at the time it’s required to be on the table, more assorted time for cleanup after.  I’d count on the fact that if all a day entails is your daily list, it doesn’t mean it’s a super light work day.

And of course, that gets easily thrown off by getting sick or needing some extra sleep.  Even if you get/have permission to not do them that day, it still means (likely) that they’re not getting done, and then it becomes a problem for Tomorrow You.  This will end up on your mind when it’s at all questionable if you should ask for the rest, and you’ll have to know your own needs there.

I often say, “It comes out to very easily about/more than a full time job, and the fact you’re permanently on call, and no weekends/holidays/etc.”  That is, of course, for me and the way my dynamic works, with the note that it would look very different for, say, someone who’s working/pursuing education/etc.

In the end, you’ll learn to prioritize what’s important to you in the free time you have, and how to work that in, whether it’s friends who come to you, or giving up some more mindless R&R time activities to make sure you get in real hobby time.

Digital Productivity (As a Slave)

This post is a conglomeration of productivity systems, tricks, and tools I use in my slavery, focusing on the digital side.

Part One: Using Technology to Be More Productive, Not Less

Let’s face it: for a lot of people, their devices are simply time sinks, or for leisure.  Their phones are for Candy Crush and Instagram; tablets are for Netflix and cat videos; so on, so on.  For a lot of people, too, their devices are crucial productivity tools—full of important resources, communications, planning—but definitely still able to become a time sink with the right Wikipedia rabbit hole.  For this, technology can get a bad rap.  So Part One is how to make your tech focused around being more productive, not less.

Eliminate those time sinks.

If possible, it can be best to eliminate them altogether.  Delete social media accounts, games, whatnot.  On the other hand, those are perfectly fine things to engage in during leisure time, so in that case it becomes limiting their use to those times.  I very rarely use my phone except for a quick check on a ride or jotting down an idea while out and about, but I make sure there are no games on there or certain time-sink apps (Pinterest, anyone?).  No games period, actually.  Very little social media.  FetLife… Pinterest.  I used to have a Facebook, but deleted it because of the time sink factor.

If you can’t delete them, app and website blockers with timers can be your friend.  I have those distractions like FetLife and Pinterest basically blocked during most of my usual waking hours by a simple Chrome extension called StayFocusd.  There are many apps and extensions like it.  If you’re exclusively a Chrome user like me, an extension just for that may work—if you’re more of a general phone user, or use multiple browsers, etc., you may want something more robust to keep you on track during your key service hours.

Eliminate friction points in your tech use.

Have you ever meant to quickly check an email, and ended up looking at two other emails in your inbox, or running to find a charger for your dying device so you can finish reading that email, or getting linked to a site you forgot your password for, leaving you to get in via a reset email, or having to install an update before your device cooperates?

These are friction points.  

I recommend eliminating those issues—and a few more—in these ways.

One, properly set up and use a password manager to save your passwords, so you don’t play the, “Forgot your password?  Enter your username!  Forgot your username?  Enter your email!” game.  I use LastPass in the form of another Chrome extension.  Some of these even come with a strong password generator, and it makes it easier to not dangerously repeat passwords.  This is another one that heavier phone or app users may need something else for.

Two, charge your electronics every night.  The devices you use basically every day—plug them in before you go to bed.  It’s simple, takes just a second, but it makes a huge difference.  Take it from someone whose phone and smart watch went from “always dead” to “always charged”.  Also, make sure you carry chargers for whatever devices you’re carrying, and consider a charged power bank and appropriate cords for that.  The backpack I carry even has USB charging via power bank abilities built in (so you can plug in the power bank on the inside of the bag, and the phone to a port on the outside).

Three, unless you have reason not to (waiting for bugs to be worked out, new pricing, etc.): install updates promptly for your apps and devices.  It’ll save you the headache of functionality issues ensuing.

Four, backup, backup, backup.  Don’t lose your important files to dragging the wrong thing to the trash or a water glass dropped on a device.  Set reminders—mine are weekly—to backup your files, preferably in more than one form—for example, I have things in EverNote and OmniFocus, which have cloud syncing, and I also export both to iCloud weekly for more cloud backup, and am about to start saving that same weekly export to a flash drive for a version I can touch.

If you do these, you’ll never get ordered to do a quick task on one of your devices and have to go, “Er… one more minute!”

Part Two: Organizing Your Devices and Related Routine

If your digital files are a mess to sort through, or you’re always forgetting something you’re supposed to do on your devices, you’re not going to feel—or be—any more productive.  Here are some organization pointers.

A Table of Contents is your friend.

Wherever it can be, something table of contents-like (whatever you like to call it/however you like to organize it) can be a lifesaver.

In EverNote, you can select notes and have EverNote generate a Table of Contents note that contains the title of each note you selected, hyperlinked to take you to that note.  I make a new one of these for any notebook with more than a few notes in it on a weekly basis.  (I have a general physical notebook with a table of contents that I update daily.)

If you use anything where one would be useful: consider it.  You’ll find things faster.

Set (and keep) techy routines.

Set a time, however frequently you need, to check the digital things you have that need to be checked.  This means you won’t overlook things until they’re urgent (or worse), and it will keep you from compulsively checking things as you remember them.  

This can be correspondence, your calendar and to-dos, etc.

I set my times for this as part of my AM and PM routines.

In my AM routine, I also have a note to message Mistress about any questions, plan confirmations, permission requests, whatnot, for the day.  This means I hopefully have fewer, “Oh, I meant to ask—” times throughout the day.  If a similar note would work for you—give it a try!

Use tags.

Wherever you think they might be useful: try tags.  They’re a feature in a lot of productivity software, and you can use them on a lot of email platforms, too.

For example, I use tags in EverNote on recipe notes—to sort by diet (like vegetarian, gluten-free), main ingredient or cuisine (like chicken, Italian, potato), and meal (like breakfast, dinner, dessert, drinks, sides, snacks).  This way I can quickly find something to make for a guest on a special diet, or for a specific craving they’re having.

I also use a form of tagging in my email; I use Gmail’s filters to send emails straight through the inbox to specific labels/tags based on things like who sent them.  This way I have an idea of what emails have come in just by seeing the notification number next to those labels, instead of an unsorted mess of emails.  Pretty much nothing ends up in my general inbox.

Part Three: Collaboration/Other People

How to integrate technological options with real objects and timing, and how shared digital resources can make life easier.

Use shared folders or calendars instead of individual documents or events

For the people you share things with regularly, go broad.  Save yourself a little bit of time selecting the same sharing settings every time you share a document, and apply those settings to a folder now, and simply drop things in there.  I use Google Drive for most of my collaboration, and so I have a folder I share with Mistress that I can simply drop things in, and it holds things like our contract, guest manual, my slave journal, a checklist for our weekly check in, slave positions guide, etc.  My best friend has a folder we share things in, too, mostly for writing.

Mistress and I have a shared Google Calendar as well, for events and meal planning and whatnot.  For ease of keeping track of my life when we’re trying to make plans, I share a basic calendar with my mom, too.

Tracking someone sounds controlling, leave it to the M-types, right?  Maybe not.

Mistress and I share our locations with each other via Find My Friends.  The fact she can track me raises a few eyebrows, but what actually gets questioned more is when I share that I track her actively way more often than she does the same to me.

I use it not for any kind of control, obviously, but as a service tool—notifications on when she gets within a certain radius of home can let me have last-minute food prep done right before she walks in the door.  When we go on our monthly trip, I use it to be waiting by where she will park at the hotel with coffee I grabbed in the lobby on my way.

Part Four: Specific Idea – Gifting Spreadsheet

The first sheet in my Google Sheets gifting spreadsheet has six columns: Item, Recipient, Occasion, Purchased (indicated via checkbox), Wrapped (indicated via checkbox), and Notes.  I fill it in for every item.  For ideas I have but haven’t committed to an occasion for yet, I put “Any”.  Under notes, I mostly note items that are DIY projects in nature and thus need more time than the others.  Each column is able to be filtered, so I can find all gifts assigned to any one or more recipients or occasions, or see just ones that are purchased but not wrapped (to see what I should go wrap), or purchased and wrapped, or neither (to see what I should go buy and then wrap).

A second sheet has a gifting list (who I gift to for what occasion, to make sure I don’t forget anyone and can plan), a very general ideas list, and an inventory of “Emergency Gifts” (fairly generic gifts bought and wrapped ahead of time with a blank gift tag and a sticky note label of what’s inside, intended for surprise recipients—like ones who give you a last-minute invite to their birthday party, or someone who gets you a gift for a holiday when you didn’t expect one, and you need a reciprocal one for them quickly).

A third sheet is a “have-gifted” reference, where gifts move to from the first sheet once given, to remember for future occasions what has already been given.  This is simplified to Item/Recipient/Occasion with filters.

Part Five: Specific Idea – Butler’s Book

In EverNote, I have a notebook filled with notes labeled with the names of people I know.  I have a template saved that I use and modify as needed, with the template including places for name, birthday, contact information, health information/allergies, general schedule (for making plans), entertainment preferences, “what’s up in their life” (for conversation topics), food and drink preferences (where I frequently link straight to the recipe notes), a “pre-visit checklist” (put extras of their favorite soda in the fridge from the soda shelf, adjust the lighting to their preference, etc.)  I include any notes on things to do the next time I see them—return something borrowed or whatnot.  A quick glance at someone’s note before seeing them can make things go more smoothly.

Why I Live M/s

Sometimes in M/s you take the parts of you that you don’t want to unleash other places and give them a place to flourish.

It is taking things that are not okay elsewhere and making them be okay.

For example, I’m a people pleaser.  And in a normal relationship—be it friends, family, whatnot—for that to be healthy, there have to be boundaries, and compromise.  In M/s, I don’t have to worry about, “Should I have said no?” or, “Should I have asked for this in return?” or any of that.  And I don’t want to have to worry about that.  It’s a relief to know that no isn’t an option, and it’s not a negotiation.

On the other side, Mistress likes control.  And plenty of people she encounters don’t want to be controlled.  There are again boundaries and compromise to keep it healthy.  But she doesn’t have to worry about those lines with me, and she doesn’t want to have to worry.

This is true in other areas of BDSM too—informed consent is what separates sadomasochism from assault just as much as it separates healthy M/s from toxic relationship patterns.

M/s gives me a place with clear answers on how to let those traits out which might not serve me well in the vanilla world, aided by openly M/s terminology and mindset.

Those traits…

There’s a minimalism quote out there that speaks of keeping only things that are useful or beautiful.

I think that useful and beautiful (I think pleasing would be a better word, going beyond aesthetics, but same concept) are things I strive to be.

In slavery, it can go like this.

The mostly useful side: practical service—the cleaning, cooking, house maintenance, pet care, hosting, secretarial tasks, etc.

The mostly pleasing side: rules/protocols/guidelines/details—the uniform, the leashing, the kneeling, the honorifics, the permission-asking, etc.

Slavery gives me instructions on how to be useful and pleasing; it does not leave things up to chance or interpretation or assumption.

It lets me have un-filtered, concrete answers to, “What can I do to be useful?” and, “What can I do to be pleasing?”

And sometimes I suggest answers that Mistress may not have realized she wanted, sometimes her answers change, sometimes life happens.

The lines of consent can look blurrier than some are comfortable with; there’s a limitless range of control across time, spheres of life, and other categories, and some, though not all, areas are controlled so actively it comes down to very precise details.  In M/s,  I don’t have to get caught up in if what I want, or am willing to submit to, is too extreme for a more vanilla label.

What M/s gives me is a healthy place to act on that urge to please and be of service, know how to do so without ambiguity, and take off the limits I would need other places to keep it acceptable.

I don’t have to wonder what would be useful, or when, or how often, or how I should be doing it—I get answers to those things.  And I’m allowed to suggest ideas, or ask questions, and not worry about getting indecisive feedback or answers, or ones that necessarily stay within the normal boundaries of what you can ask someone to do.  Lists for daily, weekly, monthly tasks, ones on other intervals, or by the day of the month or the week.  AM and PM routines.

I don’t have to deduce what outfit is cutest, or best suited, or have a, “You always look nice!” beating-around-the-bush conversation.  Or decide if I should wear makeup or not, or how to style my hair.  Uniform makes it simple.  Same clothes, every morning.  No makeup.  Hair down.  Other rules.  Straightforward answers.

No self-consciously adjusting my posture (or at least far less of it).  Set positions—for leashing/unleashing, for post-shower inspections, for general kneeling, etc.  No debating what to do with my hands, or about how many inches apart my knees should be while kneeling.

M/s for us is… deliberate, it’s systematic, and it does not know the usual bounds.

And I love living it.

Service Slave Tendency Identification with Limited Kink Experience

In the vanilla world, you often hear a conundrum like this.  “No one will hire me because I have no experience.  I have no experience because no one will hire me.”

I see many s-types take this perspective to the world of kink as well.  Whether or not those new to the scene have an advantage or disadvantage, some people make this conundrum inside their head in slightly different words.

“I can’t become a service slave because I don’t know if I’m a service slave.  I don’t know if I’m a service slave because I’ve never been a service slave.”

I will admit that I am lucky in the sense that I have never had reason to doubt my side of the slash.  It all adds up neatly from my earliest memories forwards.  Some do have real doubts.  Some I think might benefit from learning to translate their vanilla experiences into a kink mindset, realizing that the underlying ideals might not be so different after all.  Doing this is what allows me to say, “From my earliest memories forward,” not, “From when I entered the scene,” or, “From when I entered an M/s dynamic.”

On the more slave side of service slave, it helps to think of how you have generally reacted to authority figures.  The younger crowd might think mostly of their teachers or parents.  Some might have more extensive work experience to draw on.  What happened if they made a rule you didn’t like, or set an expectation slightly hard to meet?  What does that tell you about you coping with it in M/s?

Some think of their favorite teacher from their school days as the one who let the class largely run free, was ultra understanding and gave a reasonable workload, perhaps a creative type, perhaps willing to improvise when authority wasn’t looking, themselves, someone who curved the tests and gave you two redos. 

Some think of their favorite teacher as the one who ran a fairly tight ship, a kind nature but a desire to push their students, who gave two times more homework than anyone else but you learned four times as much, who earned respect with the example they set and while less forgiving with their deadlines, more prone to give praise that really meant something.

There’s no archetype your favorite schoolteacher has to fit into for you to fit into any role in BDSM.  But, it’s an interesting exercise for many, and perhaps telling about what you respond to in an authority figure, what you don’t—and if you do respond well at all, or if it’s something to work on or a start of reconsidering.

As a general note, thinking of your interests in the media you consume or have consumed can also be telling.  Not just what you overall choose, but which parts, characters, and more draw you to it—and I’m not talking about erotica here (though that also says something), but even the vanilla-surface dynamics you have liked seeing in any books, television, movies, so on, throughout your life.

Service-oriented tendencies can also be spotted in vanilla situations.  A tendency to go above and beyond when able to help is a good sign of a service-oriented personality, as is a desire to be useful to family, friends, perhaps acquaintances.  Are you always volunteering to help with the dishes after dinner at friends’ homes, or hoping no one will ask?  Do you complain extensively to yourself or say something to them if they do ask—how would you overcome that?  Were you one of those kids who liked to do miscellaneous tasks for the teacher when you finished your work early in school? Circumstances allowing, have you been drawn to things like volunteer work or taking on responsibility in hobby-based groups?  And what drew you to them?  A feeling of helpfulness being a draw is one good sign, though certainly not the only.

Look through your memories for notable incidents, but for those looking for 24/7, especially, look for something else, too: consistency.

Do your tendencies change when you’re tired, somewhat emotional, a little under the weather, not fond of the task itself?  How will you overcome those things if they do? 

I feel like I’ve posed a lot of thought experiments or questions here, so let me address some of them for myself.

My submissive tendencies, in hindsight from the scene, are extremely hard to overlook.  I was always overly eager to please if anything, as in perhaps to a fault.  The man who I consider to be the best teacher I ever had provided an insane workload, was relentless in critiques, brilliant in his craft, and taught me more about the subject in half a semester than some people would get out of a Bachelor’s in it.

Some of my earliest memories are of watching and re-watching the late 90’s made-for-television adaptation of Little OrphanAnnie.  I was always suspiciously fond of A Little Princess as well.  Not the parts of the movie most kids would get excited about, but a fascination with the bits of servitude the movies would show.

Volunteering has always been something that sates my desire to feel helpful and of use.  Hospital, school, food bank, transitional program for the homeless, my current position in a library, etc.  Most had some kind of draw that got me there in particular—like knowing people involved, or having a love of books—but the general concept was always something I liked, too.

As far as consistency, I’m not a saint, but I’m pretty decent at keeping up my better tendencies even when half-asleep, and can usually find something to get out of a task that might not generally be my idea of a good time.  Scrubbing down the hardscapes of the backyard with dish soap and water, say, is exhausting and leads to dripping sweat rather quickly—but damn, that before and after is satisfying, and pushing water around with a long brush has something fun in it, too.

I’m apparently consistent enough that, as a funny aside anecdote, Mistress once had a dream in which several things were askew—like an added story to our house, having friends she didn’t know in real life, etc.  When she encountered me in the dream, she told me to do something, and my response was sticking my tongue out at her.  Apparently that broke the reality line and she quickly realized it was a dream, and it briefly became a lucid one before she woke up.

Breaking back away from me and into a conclusion—nothing above is meant to be universal, but perhaps a starting point for some who are questioning.  Kink experience is unquantifiably valuable, but is not the only source for some answers.

Letting Your M-Type Have It All

I’m not going to get into the “all humans are good/bad/changeable” thing, but I will say this: pretty sure that almost everyone has some selfish desires, which they act on to varying extents.  Picking the night’s activity.  Getting out of chores.  Eating the last slice of pizza.  Whatever it may be.

Now, in most healthy egalitarian relationships, people try to balance giving in to their own selfish desires and their partner’s.  Switch off on who picks if they stay in for binge watching or if they go out on the town.  One person cleans and one person cooks.  You cut the last slice in half.  50/50, give or take.

Now, as a slave, I want it to look as close to 100/0 as you can get.  That’s not to say that I don’t have selfish desires of my own.  It’s more that not acting on them gives me more than acting on them, in a different way.  

And there are a decent amount of times where Mistress is in a generous mood or doesn’t care much about a choice and lets me pick, and I’m okay with that.  I admit that if it happened terribly frequently, I might start to question myself, and if I don’t have a strong opinion, I might confirm one more time that she truly doesn’t have one either.

What I don’t want is for her to offer me a choice or compromise out of a sense of obligation.  It is my goal, and job, to give her everything she wants, and I try to behave in a way where she feels comfortable taking everything she wants.  Giving someone all of the last slice of pizza but making them feel guilty for it can be even more negative than taking the last slice of pizza.  So I try not to whine or otherwise try to change her mind.

While some of it is on the one on the left side of the slash to be willing and able and wanting to do—say, if they’re not willing to act “selfishly” or tell someone no or order them to do something that they don’t want to do—there’s not much their partner can do on their own about it.  

But if they are willing, a partner responding negatively can still put a huge damper on it.  
In my opinion, if you want your partner to take whatever they want from you, you have to make it easy to take.  If you say, “It’s okay if I don’t like it, and it’s okay to tell me no!” but throw a fit every time you don’t like something or get told no, your partner will develop real doubts.  If you want someone to tell you what to do, you have to be willing to do what they tell you.  Otherwise, they’ll feel like they’re playing a game they get nothing out of.

I want her to prioritize herself as close to 100% of the time as possible, so I have to act accordingly.

To act accordingly, I have to be more hardy than fragile.  The image of a delicate, sensitive s-type is one found often in fiction around the subject, but in the end it is rarely good for anyone involved.  If a bit of discomfort consistently affects someone strongly, it seems unlikely they will deal well with day in and day out prioritizing someone else.

Both parties should be capable on their own, first and foremost.

If my goal is to make Mistress’ life easier, I have to aim to not add new problems, like my desires, to her plate.

Of course, life happens, no one’s perfect, and everyone has their days.

But in the end, I wouldn’t view myself as much of a slave in a dynamic where things revolved around me or my wants, comfort, convenience.

My Collar (Physical Considerations)

(Note: This post is about my physical slave collar, rather than traditions, meanings, or emotional aspects—subjects for another day.)

Decisions about my collar took several things into account.

We had started with the idea that it would be something I wore 24/7, not taking it off without a serious reason (like some sort of medical need). This created most of our considerations. It would also be a literal collar—around my neck.

We wanted it to be relatively tame in several ways: color, pattern, sizing—so it wouldn’t necessarily draw attention to itself, or seem mismatched, as I would be wearing it in public and in front of vanilla company such as family.

We wanted something that looked nice on me, but wasn’t too out of place for the everyday, that would fit in at a formal or casual event.

It had to be practical for any rough play we did, leashes when they were used; as it would be my only collar, it had to serve every function we needed—even if it wasn’t the main function.

We also considered comfort: in size, texture, and any other ways. We weren’t looking for a sadism device on my neck 24/7.

It also had to be of very good quality to not fall apart with constant wear.

Finally, it was important to both of us that we were both thrilled with it overall.

Then, other ideas became important. Mistress would make the collar herself—it would be one of a kind and personal. The collar would be permanent—in some way, physically unremovable.

Mistress made my collar around my neck as I knelt at her feet, a three hour process with the occasional short break to stretch.

It is made of natural hemp rope, fairly close fitting, with a small stainless steel shackle that attaches a stainless steel o-ring. At even its weakest point the collar can support far more than my body weight. It is permanent in that the only way to take it off is to destroy (cut) it. It is made of one piece of rope connected to itself via a long splice, and where each end of the splice meets, it’s reinforced with a palm and needle whipping.

Being Submissive Is Not Bad

“Being submissive is not bad.”

Internalizing that has honestly not been a struggle for me. But I can see how it could have been.

In youth, being “submissive” is frequently called things from “boring” to “well-behaved”. The trait, whatever it’s called, doesn’t make friends often. Might lose friends, might not, but gaining them is rare. Teasing happens, as does pressure to “grow up” and rebel a little.

A peer might try to take advantage of it. A common mistake they make, though, is not realizing that they’re probably disrupting a power hierarchy already in place. If the peer gets between the submissive one and those they’re already submissive to, the peer is unlikely to succeed.

Peer friends who don’t apply pressure are a healthy addition.

Now, you have that submissive one as an adult in kink. Choosing a side of the slash probably wasn’t hard, but what about all the messages that come with it?

People talking about craving the feeling of submission, giving up power, control, and authority. “Yes, yes, yes!” says that submissive one.

But the more they look, the more conflicting messages there are. The same people talking about the joy of submission burst out laughing when the submissive one does what their D/M-type tells them. Look at them being told what to do—that’s hilarious. How embarrassing.

It can be discouraging for the submissive one who thought that doing what they were told was a fairly standard and big part of the idea.

The more they hear what other people have to say, the more it seems that being a brat is almost the default, and it seems like anything else is side-eyed.

They’re eager to participate in discussions with other s-types, then find that the others view “told my Dom to screw off” as fine problem solving for the role. They look at the written report system of their relationship and feel out of place.

They find a writing that resonates about the feeling of surrender, going, “Yes!” again, until that line halfway through that turns it around, about all of the force required to cause losing control. They would feel terrible if it required force to make them submit in their relationship. They frown at the page.

Are their thoughts really so rare—could they even be bad?

I’ve experienced all of this and more. If you’re submissive and not a brat, would rather give your submission than have it taken, and take pride in it—it can feel lonely.

But, you’re not the only one, and sometimes, that’s what matters.