Recipes

(Class content, now posted here too.)

Entrees

Pot Roast*

Season boneless chuck roast, four to five pounds (salt/pepper/paprika), sear on all sides (optional).  Add water to cover, pound of baby carrots, three to four cups tomato sauce, and simmer in pot on stove or crock pot on high with liner for six to eight hours, stirring now and then.  Serve on top of boiled egg noodles if desired. 

Baked Ziti

Preheat oven 350*F.  Cook and drain one box/a pound of penne pasta.  Brown and crumble one pack hot Italian sausage, add jar (three to four cups) of tomato sauce to heat.  Combine sauce, pasta, and sausage in 9×13 glass pan, and sprinkle on shredded mozzarella till basically covered.  Bake fifteen minutes or so.  Serves up to five or so.  Cut sausage for vegetarian version.

Garlic Chicken

Preheat oven 375*F.  Melt quarter cup butter with about twelve cloves crushed, peeled garlic.  Dip boneless skinless chicken breasts (halved) or thighs into butter/garlic sauce, then coat in even mixture of bread crumbs and grated parmesan (with tablespoon or so garlic powder).  Place coated chicken in greased 9×13 glass baking pan.  Bake for about forty-five minutes or until 165*F in center of chicken.  Serves up to four with two or three pieces of chicken a piece.    

Lemon Chicken

Preheat oven 400*F.  Stir together a half cup flour, two tablespoons lemon pepper seasoning, zest of one lemon, some salt and pepper.  Toss boneless skinless chicken breasts (halved) or thighs in mixture.  Heat some olive oil in an oven proof skillet. Add chicken and brown on both sides.  Add three tablespoons butter, three quarters cup chicken broth, and one sliced lemon.  Bake about twenty minutes or until 165*F in center of chicken. Serves up to about four with two or three pieces of chicken a piece.    

Pork Chops

Season boneless pork chops with salt and pepper, then coat in flour.  Heat oil in skillet, and fry pork chops until brown on both sides, and 145*F or above in their center.  Can easily cook for three to four at once.  Goes well with applesauce. 

Chicken Thighs

Preheat oven to 400*F.  Place bone in skin on chicken thighs in glass baking dish, making sure skin covers meat.  Season with salt, pepper, rosemary, and thyme.  Cook for an hour-ish, until 165*F in center of chicken.  Serves about one person per two or three pieces of chicken.

Pan Steaks

Allow steaks to rest at room temperature for thirty to sixty minutes.  Pat dry, season generously with salt and pepper.  Heat oil in skillet on medium-high.  Sear steaks a few minutes on both sides, flip and cook to desired doneness.  Shortly before done, add a few tablespoons of butter, and a few peeled cloves of garlic.  Spoon butter over steaks. 

Stir Fry Style Chicken

Cut boneless skinless chicken breasts into about one inch cubes.  Heat a drizzle of olive oil in wok or skillet on medium high.  Add chicken, season with salt and pepper as desired, cook to 165*F in center of chicken pieces.

Basic Chicken Breast

Flatten boneless skinless chicken breasts and season with salt and pepper as desired; allow to rest at room temperature about thirty minutes.  Heat oil in skillet on medium high heat.  Cook on both sides to 165*F internal temperature.

Pork Roast*

Season boneless pork tenderloin, salt/pepper, sear on all sides (optional).  Add apple juice to cover and one pound of baby carrots.  Simmer in pot on stove or crock pot on high with liner for six to eight hours, stirring now and then.  

Garlic Parmesan Pasta

Cook egg noddles or desired pasta; meanwhile, peel and mince about one head garlic.  Drain pasta.  In empty pot, heat a generous drizzle of olive oil and two or three tablespoons of butter.  Add garlic, cook until beginning to brown, reduce heat, add pasta back in.  Add grated parmesan cheese to taste and stir thoroughly.  Serve with extra parmesan on top. 

Crock Pot Chicken* 

Season boneless, skinless chicken breast (salt/pepper).  Add chicken broth to cover and one pound of baby carrots.  Simmer in crock pot on high with liner for six to eight hours, stirring now and then.

Sides

Mashed Potatoes

Rinse and peel potatoes (Russet, Idaho, that sort; about one or two potatoes per person; add a sweet potato if desired, cut to same size).  Cut into sixths or so.  Place in large pot on stove, well covered with salted water.  Simmer for at least twenty, up to about forty-five minutes.  Drain water.  Add about 1/4 cup (half stick) of butter, cut into tablespoons or so, small splash of milk, and salt.  You can also add minced garlic if desired.  Blend well with hand mixer or potato masher.

Roasted Potatoes

Preheat oven to 500*F.  Rinse about two potatoes per person (Russet, Idaho, golden, red, whatever desired), peel if desired, chop into about one inch pieces. Melt two tablespoons of butter with about two tablespoons of vegetable oil or substitute on stove.  Toss potatoes in mixture, add two teaspoons rosemary and a teaspoon of salt or as desired.  Lay potatoes on baking sheet and put in oven for fifteen minutes.  Flip/rearrange potatoes and put back in for fifteen minutes.  Add one cup of chicken stock and eight or so cloves of peeled, crushed garlic.  Bump up ingredients a bit if cooking for more than about four.  Back in oven for fifteen more minutes or until desired doneness.

Biscuits

Preheat oven 450*F.  Combine nine cups flour, three tablespoons baking powder, three tablespoons sugar, three teaspoons salt, and two and a quarter teaspoons cream of tartar.  Cut in two and a quarter cups of butter.  Make well in center of bowl, add three cups of milk.  Stir.  Turn dough out onto floured surface, knead, roll to about desired thickness with floured rolling pin (about three quarters of an inch), cut with floured biscuit cutter to rounds (about two and a half inches).  Brush with milk, bake until light golden brown, about fifteen minutes.  Freeze leftover rounds until just solid on parchment paper, then store in resealable bag to pop in oven later.   Makes about three dozen. 

Mac and Cheese

Boil salted water.  Add elbow macaroni.  Cook until done, maybe twelve minutes, drain, set aside.  Melt three tablespoons of butter with a splash of milk.  Stir in eight to twelve slices of American cheese if serving one to four, and small handful shredded cheddar.  Add milk or cheese to desired texture, stir until smooth.  Add pasta back in, stir.

Applesauce*

Peel, core, and chop about five pounds of apples.  Add to lined crock pot with large pinch of salt, the juice of one lemon, and one and a half cups water.  Cook in crock pot on high for about three and a half hours, stirring occasionally, or until it reaches desired consistency/taste.

Desserts

Basic Drop Cookies

Preheat oven to 375*F.  Combine two and a quarter cups flour, one teaspoon baking soda, one teaspoon salt, three quarters cup of sugar, three quarters cup of brown sugar, one teaspoon vanilla, one cup softened butter, two eggs, and additions (chocolate chips, M&Ms, peanut butter chips, nuts, white chocolate chips) to taste.  Place balls of dough on lined baking sheets and bake until golden brown, about ten minutes.  Makes about two dozen.  Substitute gluten free flour for gluten free cookies. 

Thumbprint Cookies

Preheat oven to 375*F.  Combine one third cup sugar, half cup brown sugar, one teaspoon baking soda, half teaspoon salt, one and two thirds cup flour, half cup softened butter, three quarters cup creamy peanut butter, one egg, and one teaspoon vanilla.  Roll dough into balls, place spaced out on lined cookie sheet.  Bake until golden brown, about ten minutes.  Press reservoir into center of each cookie.  Add Nutella to reservoir.  Makes about two dozen. 

Shortbread

Preheat oven to 325*F.  Mix one cup powdered sugar, two and two thirds cup of flour, and one cup (two sticks) softened butter.  Lightly grease 9×13 baking pan, cover bottom of pan evenly in dough.  Bake until very lightly brown, toothpick test passed, about twenty minutes.  Cut into rectangles, prick each rectangle twice with fork (4×2 rows of dots).  

Apple Bread

Preheat oven to 350*F.  Grease and flour a 9×5 inch loaf pan.  Mix one third cup brown sugar, one teaspoon cinnamon, two third cup sugar, one and a half cups flour, one and three quarters teaspoons baking powder, half cup butter, two eggs, one and a half teaspoons vanilla, one tablespoon Nutella, half cup milk, and two apples, peeled and chopped into small/desired size pieces.  Pour into loaf pan.  Bake until toothpick test passed, browned, about forty minutes.

Ice Cream Bread

Preheat oven to 350*F.  Soften four cups of desired regular ice cream.  Grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan.  Stir 3 cups of self rising flour with ice cream.  Pour mixture into loaf pan and smooth out.  Bake about 50 minutes or until done, toothpick test passed.  (Incorporate toppings, mix ins, or serve with ice cream as desired.) 

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Preheat oven to 375*F.  Combine one cup Crisco, half cup sugar, one cup brown sugar, two eggs, one cup flour, one teaspoon baking soda, one teaspoon salt, one teaspoon vanilla, two cups oatmeal, and chocolate chips to taste.  Place balls of dough on lined baking sheets and bake until golden brown, about ten minutes.  Makes about two dozen.

Slutty Brownies

Preheat oven to 350*.  Prepare cookie dough recipe or mix of choice.  Prepare brownie batter recipe or mix of choice.  Grease 9×13 inch cake pan and line bottom with cookie dough.  Place whole Double Stuf Oreos over cookie dough in one layer.  Pour brownie batter evenly over top.  Bake for about forty minutes or until toothpick test passed.  Serve with vanilla ice cream.

Our Contract

This contract supersedes all other versions of this contract as of the date it is published. It will stand until a new Ownership Contract has been published in its place.

This contract is an agreement to a 24/7 live in Mistress/slave dynamic. Kate and Hannah are married; Hannah is Kate’s owned and collared slave.

This contract is an exclusive agreement. Both agree to be monogamous. This means no power exchange, romance, kinky play, cohabitating, or sexual activity with other people, unless discussed.

Schedule

This schedule is only to be broken with good reason.

Weekly

Every Sunday during and/or after dinner, Kate and Hannah will spend undistracted time alone together for at least an hour, doing a fun, non-sexual activity.

Every Wednesday at 3 PM, Kate and Hannah will play ping pong.

Every Friday at 10:30 AM, Hannah will give Kate a pedicure.

Every Friday at noon/after pedicure, Maintenance will occur. Maintenance discipline sessions are defined as private and non-sexual. Hannah will fetch the discipline wand and wait in the bedroom with it in Presenting Object position, nude. Kate will give Hannah a spanking with the discipline wand (given over Kate’s knee). Hannah will count some strokes at beginning and end in the format, “One, thank you, Mistress, please may I have another?”

Every Saturday at noon, there will be a private check in at a time without distractions (Meta-Saturday). This will be a time to reflect on the week and review planning of the week ahead and beyond. Hannah will bring Kate her daily journal and scheduled reviews, with notes on writing she did that week and appointments for the next week.

Every Saturday for dinner, John, Anthony, Pan, and Sherry have standing invitations to come over.

Holidays

Effort must be made to be together on birthdays and major holidays. For our anniversary Kate will organize it on even-numbered years and Hannah will on odd-numbered years.

Service & Routine

Daily

Each day Hannah will complete any tasks that Kates gives, to the best of her ability, before they are due.

Each day, at Hannah’s convenience, the following tasks should be completed:

  • Fetch and distribute the mail as needed.
  • Generally keep the house and car tidy.
  • File any papers.
  • Collect, wash, dry, and put away the laundry, following Kate’s guidelines; wash everything on a reasonable schedule; maintain any needed mending.
  • Keep surfaces clean/handle dusting.
  • Take care of any plants.
  • Keep floors clean.
  • Maintain the pool and yard.
  • Maintain the calendar.
  • Handle the trash as needed.
  • Alert Kate to any home maintenance issues or handle minor ones.
  • Ensure the cat’s litterbox, food and water is handled; alert Kate to any possible vet issues.
  • Restock items in the household as needed on a reasonable schedule.

Morning

  • Wake up by 7:20 AM.
  • Complete her morning exercise routine (walk; one mile).
  • Make the bed, fold her blanket, and lay out Kate’s clothes/pajamas.
  • Dress in her uniform/wash up/take meds as needed.
  • Tidy and adjust blinds, lights, windows, scents, and background noise.
  • Prepare another pot of coffee.
  • Serve brunch at 9:30 AM, table set to Kate’s preferences.
  • The kitchen must be cleaned immediately after brunch is complete.

Evening

  • Serve dinner at 6 PM, table set to Kate’s preferences; clean up dinner.
  • The kitchen must be cleaned immediately after dinner is complete.
  • Write her slave journal entry.
  • Prepare the next pot of coffee for the morning.
  • Shut all window coverings, shut all lights, shut all windows, and lock exterior doors/shut down house.
  • Be ready to be leashed by 9:30 PM. Take meds as needed.
  • Turn down the bed; unfold her blanket.
  • Be ready for the morning.
  • Offer Kate lotion when Kate comes to leash her.

Weekly

  • Plan and do grocery shopping; clear old food.
  • Clean toilets, mirrors, showers, and appliances as needed.
  • Handle moving trash bins to curb according to trash schedule.

Monthly

  • Ensure the air filters get changed.
  • Find a cat groomer (either close by, or a traveling one) to groom Sabby and Pixel once a month and handle getting that done.
  • Handle budget items on specified days.
  • Check on the water softener supply.
  • Handle any regular medical appointments.

Quarterly

  • Wash accessible windows.
  • Change HEPA pre-filters.
  • Rotate the mattress.
  • Change toothbrushes.
  • Ensure the sliding door gets maintained.
  • Check on needed furniture maintenance.
  • Handle any regular medical appointments.

Annually

  • Change HEPA filters.
  • Get the vacuum serviced.
  • Have non-accessible windows cleaned.

Other

  • Have a home inspection once every five years.
  • Lace and unlace Kate’s boots when she wears them, and keep them maintained.

Permissions

Hannah is required to have Kate’s permission to do any of the following:

  1. Touch herself sexually, or orgasm.
  2. Showering, when Kate is home.
  3. Changing the thermostat, when Kate is home.
  4. Inviting people over, when Kate is home or expected to be home.
  5. Uploading photos, deleting photos, or setting a profile photo on Fetlife.
  6. Creating an account on any standard social media platform.
  7. Leaving the house to travel farther than the Park.

Rules

  1. Hannah may not unfriend anyone on Fetlife—she may, however, unfollow.
  2. Hannah may not be answerable to someone who is not Kate (ex: have a job).
  3. Hannah will archive, not delete, emails unless they are explicitly spam.
  4. Hannah may not use tobacco, nicotine, marijuana, vaping, alcohol, or smoking products.
  5. Hannah will remain on the Depo-Provera shot method of birth control consistently.
  6. Hannah will not use baby powder.
  7. Hannah will not own any pets.
  8. Hannah will not lock interior doors (she may lock the bathroom when company is present).
  9. Orders that Hannah receives from other people are to be redirected to Kate for approval.
  10. Hannah will speak respectfully and honestly to Kate at all times.
  11. Hannah will answer any message, call, or summons from Kate requiring response as soon as she can.
  12. Hannah will notify Kate when she is leaving the house.
  13. Hannah will notify Kate when she is returning if she has been gone longer than twenty minutes (except morning walks).
  14. Hannah will generally keep Kate informed of her plans and allow Kate to track her location.
  15. Hannah will responsible for interacting with delivery people and answering the door unless said otherwise.
  16. Bedtime leashing protocols are as follows: if Kate is present, Hannah will ask her permission to remove the leash. If Kate is asleep or out of the house, Hannah may remove the leash if needed, and will re-leash herself upon returning if she does. Leashing or unleashing by Kate will be done in Leashing Position. Hannah will ensure Kate has leashed her before she falls asleep at night or will leash herself if Kate is unavailable. Hannah will sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed.

Without Vanilla Company Protocols

When in Kate’s presence and not standing, Hannah will assume her General Kneeling Position next to Kate.  She will ask Kate’s permission before changing position on the floor.  She will not sit on the furniture or ask Kate’s permission to, unless directed by Kate.  She will wait behind her chair in her Waiting Position before meals.

When entering Kate’s office, Hannah will wait quietly near the entrance until she is acknowledged. If Kate cannot see her from where she is, she may move into the room as needed and wait. If Hannah enters a space Kate is in and does not make eye contact, it will be assumed that she is passing through, retrieving an object, etc., and will not be counted as “in Kate’s presence” (and thus not requiring verbal exchange before leaving.)

Before leaving Kate’s presence, Hannah will ask if there’s anything else she can do to be of service. If yes, she will do so first. When there is nothing else, she will ask for permission to leave. If granted, she will curtsy before she leaves.

Hannah will respond to orders with, “Yes, Mistress” and permission or favor grants or denials (including re-statements) with, “Thank you, Mistress,” unless it would be disruptive to the conversation.  Response will be based on intention, not phrasing.  She will address Kate as Mistress whenever clearly appropriate.

Hannah will ask Kate’s permission before making a phone or video call when Kate is present (and will notify her when no longer on the call).  If she receives a call, she may answer, and will notify Kate as soon as possible.

Positions

Slave positions include:

  • General Kneeling Position: kneeling on the floor where directed, knees apart, big toes crossed in back (right over left), hands folded at small of back (right over left, right thumb over left thumb), back straight.
  • Leashing Position: kneeling on the floor at foot of bed, knees apart, big toes crossed in back (right over left), leash across both palms, hands resting on thighs, hair/head out of the way, collar o-ring in front, back straight.
  • Corner Position: standing facing wall, legs together, arms boxed behind back, nose touching wall, back straight, silent and still unless prompted.
  • Inspection Position: nude, standing in front of Kate, legs spread, hands boxed behind back, head/eyes straight, back straight.
  • Waiting Position: standing where directed, legs together, hands folded at small of back, right over left, right thumb over left thumb, back straight, head/eyes down.
  • Presenting Object Position: “General Kneeling Position”, but with object across both palms, hands resting on thighs, head/eyes down.

Uniform

For Hannah’s daily uniform, she will wear her assigned black and red plaid top, black knee socks, black leggings, black bra, black underwear, collar, and wedding ring (left ring finger or pinned to her leggings). She will keep her pager clipped to her leggings (she may also keep her phone there if desired; headphones are generally permitted). Shoes, if worn, will be the assigned black boots. She may choose her own jackets and bags. Masks and gloves are permitted as needed. Hannah will sleep naked, except for her collar/leash and wedding ring.

Her clothes should generally look neat, clean, in good repair, and fit well.  She will bathe regularly and shave any body hair each time she showers, keep her bangs at a reasonable length, and keep her nails short.  Kate will inspect Hannah’s job of shaving immediately after each time she showers, in Inspection Position. Her hair will be left down.

Hannah may add, remove, or change out uniform clothing items without prior permission if it is necessary to maintain a vanilla facade.  She will notify Kate of it as soon as reasonable. Any other visible changes must be approved.

Daily Inspections

Brunch Inspection

Kate will ensure the following things are true, each day just prior to brunch.

  1. The bed is made.
  2. The bedroom is tidy.
  3. Hannah is in waiting position at the dining room table; brunch is served properly.
  4. The coffee machine is prepared to make a fresh pot of coffee.
  5. Morning tasks are done.

Evening Inspection

Kate will ensure the following things are true when Hannah is leashed to the bed.

  1. The kitchen table is clear.
  2. There are no dirty dishes in the kitchen, livingroom or diningroom.
  3. The coffee machine is prepared to make a fresh pot of coffee.
  4. Kate’s clothes are laid out for the morning.
  5. Evening tasks are done.

Punishment

Hannah is subject to being punished by Kate. When Kate decides that Hannah should be punished she will use the following method to do so.

  1. Hannah will be instructed to fetch the discipline wand and go to the bedroom.
  2. Hannah will wait in the Presenting Object position, naked, and presenting the discipline wand until directed otherwise.
  3. Before spanking, Kate will prompt Hannah for why she is being punished.
  4. Kate will spank Hannah with the discipline wand.
  5. Hannah will be sent to the corner for some amount of time after her spanking.
  6. Kate will release Hannah from corner time at the conclusion of her punishment.

Facing Issues

Both agree to raise issues verbally for small issues, and in writing for more involved issues.  The written report will include what happened to trigger the report, how it made the person feel, why they felt that way, what can be done to make it better right now, and what needs to be true for this to not happen again.  The issue will be raised as soon as possible within reason.

Light Slave Duty

Light Slave Duty is the term used to describe a period of time when Hannah will have reduced duties. Hannah may request light slave duty, or request to be off of light slave duty. Kate will decide when light slave duty is in effect and communicate this to Hannah.

While in effect, the following changes are observed:

  1. Daily Inspections shall be skipped with no punishment.
  2. Service & Routine tasks may be skipped with no punishment.
  3. Schedule items may be skipped.

Understanding

The dynamic follows a total irrevocable consent model of M/s, and Hannah will not invoke safewords, limits, relationship termination, or any other form of refusal.  This contract is a tool to communicate the current understandings and cannot be “enforced” from Hannah’s side.  Kate may verbally make exceptions to, add, remove, or change its contents, and will endeavor to maintain the overall integrity of the agreement as a matter of honor rather than due to enforceability.  If Kate chooses to dissolve the dynamic, she agrees to do so in a reasonable manner after due communication, and be open to ongoing discussion on further agreements. 

Publishing

This document will be considered published when it has been printed out and signed by Kate and Hannah. At that time it is considered in effect and remains so until and unless replaced.

What Protocol Really Says, Again

Dinner is on the table at six as always.  Lemon chicken and corn, lemons courtesy of the neighbors and their tree.  I send the requisite, Dinner is ready, Mistress, and wait in the standard position.  (Since then, we’ve gotten a pager system that covers this message.) 

Now that the house is silent after the bubbling of things on the stove and the hum of the oven, I can hear what sounds distinctly like the breathing of a sleeping person upstairs.

None of the usual sounds of motion come in response.

Still, I hold the required position and wait for several minutes in case I’m wrong.  Legs together, back straight, head and eyes down, hands behind my back, hands clasped right over left, right thumb over left thumb—every detail down. 

But eventually, feeling sure enough, I do a quiet check upstairs. Mistress is fast asleep.  Presumably not wanting to be woken. 

I go back down and eat, have moved from the table and cleared only an item or two when Mistress comes downstairs and sits.  So I approach; she grants, “You may sit,” and I do; she starts to eat and after a moment or two orders, “Entertain me.” 

So I start to tell her about whatever comes to mind, prep I’m doing for classes I’m teaching soon, things I’m adding to my website.  

She says, “You may get me more coffee,” and hands me her coffee cup.

I say, “Yes, Mistress,” to the order, and go do so, return.

“You may sit.”

So I sit and continue. 

She eats most of the corn and a few bites of chicken, stands and starts to wander off while I’m still talking, so I cut to the (at the time) requisite offer of a post dinner snack to have at hand upstairs.

She says yes, requests some of the cookies I made from scratch yesterday, ice cream with shell topping and sprinkles, and continues upstairs.  “Yes, Mistress.”  I prep the tray for her and bring it up, set it on her desk.  

“Would you like to go places?” she asks, offering permission to leave. 

I nod.

“Come give me a kiss; then you may go places.”

So I do.  As I draw back, her eyes drop a little, to about my hands, unnecessarily prompting the curtsy I always have to offer before leaving, and I go see to cleaning up dinner as required. 

… 

This is a real example, and an average enough night for us, just one interaction of many that I’ve written down in detail, as the writer in me tends to do.  

But while I’m happy with this, I’m aware it’s the sort of thing other people sometimes cringe to watch.  There doesn’t seem to be a lot of overt deep connection in that above conversation to them.  

But it’s definitely there—that little flick of her gaze, waiting for the final exit protocol, the curtsy—says and means more to me than ten I love yous.  There’s a lot of ritual and protocol—conscious connection—built into that conversation, that speaks volumes, whether it’s where someone’s gaze moves to or an honorific or a service or a slave position—especially in our mutual quiet expectation of it.  

And, at times, obviously, conversations look different—more overt deep connection in the form that most people look for: what they call love.  The Hallmark movie kind. 

But to me, love is written all over that conversation in exactly the things I mentioned above.  Connection.  Those services and positions and honorifics are the result of countless hours of research, conversation, contract drafting, reaching, understanding, training.  The expectation of those things is built upon sometimes years of habit, routine, co-existing, obedience, consistent service, trust.  

None of those things happen without us talking to each other, understanding, adapting, learning, observing, caring, and deliberately carving the power dynamic out of the even ground we met upon.  It is the private language we build between us to say exactly what we want to say.  I love you.  I respect you.  I notice you.

Every protocol we have is thoroughly thought out.  

There might be research on practicalities.  (I didn’t learn to cook overnight.)  There might be conversations on what it means to us.  (Not being allowed on the furniture, with not being allowed to ask for it, either, waiting for the permission?  A whole talk on my views on being offered permission—generously—versus asking for it—a loaded question.) There might be her training me on how to do it properly, or me practicing alone, or both.  (That curtsy?  Those positions?  Hours in the mirror.)  There might be adapting it situationally, and figuring out when and how we need to do so.  (Cut the titles, positions, permissions in the rare vanilla company, say.) I have to do it consistently. (Thus, setting that expectation).  She has to notice and enforce it.  (Whether it’s offering a clearly desired permission I can’t ask for, creating service opportunities, or punishing accidental slips.)  

That’s a lot of connection behind the tiniest of protocols. 

And if commitment to each other and the language we deliberately build between us isn’t love—no matter how untraditional the results appear—I don’t know what is. 

Lifestyle Masochism: What I Talk About When I Talk About Masochism

Lifestyle masochism.

Every now and then, there’s a word or phrase that goes floating around the local community or FetLife that’s useful, relatable, and catches on as part of the widespread vocabulary. While lifestyle masochism is a phrase that came to me basically at random and, to my knowledge, currently lives only inside my head, I hope someone else might find it useful or relatable, because I’d love to be able to just say it and have people really understand what I mean.  (Though anyone in the community might get a basic picture from the phrase itself.) 

Of course, first I have to explain what it means.

When we talk about lifestyle D/s, kink, or such, we’re talking about 24/7 dynamics, community involvement, or things that bring kink out from being the dirty secret in the bedroom to something a little more (or a lot).  Something that makes it part of the way we live, not just an activity we partake in from time to time.  Y’know, a lifestyle. 

Masochism: deriving pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation.  For some, this pleasure may be sexual; for some, it may not.  It’s sexual or physical for me at times, but on the lifestyle front, the sexual part is small.  It’s something more like spiritual.  It gives me creative inspiration and catharsis, too. And when I really talk about masochism, at least as of late, I’m talking about the lifestyle version.

I think this has been partially true for me basically forever.  Early fantasies revolved around patterns more than single instances.  My desire, my need for this type of masochism—and my ability to actually handle it—has grown with time.  Isolated scenes used to be a lot more fulfilling, something I craved a lot more.  And I still enjoy a proper scene, whether mostly sexual, sensual, or sadistic, now and then.  Fucking machine?  Inverted rope suspension?  Hot wax?  Fire?  Shock collar?  Proper beating? Just rough sex? I’m usually down.  I can go for hours for impact, and I can orgasm from pain by itself, without sexual stimulation. But it’s not really what I talk about when I talk about masochism.  It’s an occasional craving, not a need.

While parts of my needed lifestyle version have been a part of our dynamic for a long time, we had a conversation a few weeks ago on this.  Decided to up the frequency, intensity, and such, and really explore the area, cutting our weekly scenes in favor of focusing on this, still leaving room for occasional proper scenes.  Mistress’ first concern, which was fair, was: Can you do this? 

A lot of people, she said—well, if you’re deep in the BDSM world, “a lot of people”—say they want this.  Fewer actually do, and fewer yet have both the desire and the ability to handle it.  Sometimes you want things you can’t have.  Sometimes you find out it’s not what you want at all.  

I agreed; but I was, and am, reasonably confident.  We’ve had elements of this in our dynamic for a long time, and a solid foundation of mutual respect, trust, and love.  We understood the risks and felt willing to take them.  I’m not too fragile. She agreed.

One minority niche we fall into is (and this is another kink phrase I basically made up, as far as I know—though I’ve seen it in law occasionally) irrevocable consent.  It’s my current catch all for what some call CNC, some call TPE, some call blanket consent—all with a lot of leeway in meaning.  Irrevocable consent, for me, means I gave Mistress full consent once, and I can’t take it back now.  No no, no safewords, no limits, no contract termination, no rights, no privacy, no initiating a divorce.  Down to no suicide, there is no way out.  She has 24/7, no conditions power over me, all areas of life.  I don’t get a guarantee of aftercare, sobriety, or safety practices.  She does things I would call limits if I currently defined them (inside of play and out), goes past when I would use a safeword if that was something I did.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  The agreement may be honor bound, but that doesn’t mean I take it lightly.

What with this being our framework, this means that by introducing more lifestyle masochism practices, we ran one major risk: that if I could not truly say no (via safewording or declaring limits or whatnot), and with these practices designed to bring about certain emotions, it would be hard to tell what was the desired level of suffering and what was the you can’t handle it; this is a bad idea scenario.  We agreed to ongoing “outside of the moment” communication, mostly via adding a question about it to Meta Sunday (our weekly check in) and agreeing to use the written form we have for raising such issues if it came up.  I’d recommend these highly.   

Now that I’ve said all this: what is it I’m on about? 

What we decided to introduce was more—what we call—“random acts of violence”.  Slapping, hair pulling, choking, collar grabbing, biting, scratching, pressure point using, pinning, knifeplay—on the short and quick side.  Just throughout the day.  Not as sex, play, special event, discipline.  Just as its own thing, scattered throughout time.  Things I can dislike in the moment, but overall gain a deeper sense of submission from, because I don’t like it in the moment, but submit anyway. 

None of these acts were new; it was just increasing frequency and intensity.  Making it look less like kinky flirting and more like something easily mistaken for abuse.  On the slightly longer side: more watersports (sometimes complete with turning the shower on cold), beating (less so the multiple implement, long, planned scenes in the dungeon with warmup and cooldown, but more of impulsively grabbing the nearest suitable object and going hard and fast wherever we may be in the house—kicking and punching always easily accessible), sex when I’m not in the mood at least to start (paired with not being allowed to orgasm).  Also nothing new, but now upped.  All paired with suited verbal exchanges—mostly humiliation, themes of Stockholm syndrome and victim blaming, possessiveness.  An element of truth—not taking it back—is essential for me. 

A character touched on this recently in my BDSM fiction series

“No. Don’t take it back. Say it. Mean it. Mean it even when we’re done, and don’t care. Tell me I’m worthless. Mean it. Prove it. Make it true. Keep me anyway to tell me again tomorrow. Let me be nothing and love me for it. Break me just so you can fix it and do it again. Make me harder to break next time. Make me able to take more and more. Just for the challenge. Make me run so you can catch me. Make me fight so you can pin me down. Make me bleed so you can treat my wounds. Hurt me until I beg for mercy just so you can give it to me and feel good about it. Let me be grateful for it. Make me wait longer to beg next time. Make my head spin. Make my world spin until I can only cling to you; control it until you become my God. Take out the rest of the world on me. Hurt me when you want to hurt someone else, because I’ll let you. Let me be good and love you and love you and love you no matter what you do. Let me love you because of it. Be sadistic. Be cruel. Be merciless. Teach me to love you anyway. Let me feel good about it. Let me be the kicked puppy that follows you home anyway. Take it all out on me and let me love you for taking it out on me instead of the world who didn’t ask for it. Let me be your reward for being good to everyone else. Tell me that’s pathetic. Believe it. Love me for it anyway. Tell me I’m pathetic. Mean it more than you’ve ever meant anything else. But keep me to tell me again tomorrow.” 

It’s been excellent so far, and we are diving deeper into it.  If I got to add one thing, it would be more blood/cutting, but that’s a soft limit on Mistress’ side she is just starting to press at.

There are other ways that forms of masochism creep into our dynamic.  We thrive on 24/7 high protocol, and being a service slave is happily my full time job.  This introduces elements of masochistic ascetism (in protocols that limit my “indulgences”—whether it’s wearing something that’s not my very specific uniform, sitting on furniture, using vices, etc.) as well as the energy challenges of providing consistently excellent service (full time level hours and 24/7 on call adds up; not to mention my love of serving the kink and vanilla community—volunteering, teaching—and guests).  Keeping focused requires a level of minimalism and mindfulness.  There is not room for much in my life that doesn’t come back to being a slave in some way, distractions, and I have to be constantly “on” to not slip on protocol, no matter what, even if it’s the tiniest details—finger or toe placement—of our daily slave position repertoire.  We have a firm disciplinary dynamic as well, and while I behave, there are occasional accidents and such—and lack of lenience here goes hand in hand with everything else (complete with two daily inspections and weekly maintenance discipline).  (We also agreed to recommit ourselves to that. As there are specific procedures, it can also be easily distinguished from such play.)  I’m summing these elements up quickly here, but they’re not a small part of it. 

It’s not for everyone, but it seems like it sure is for us. 

Related Reading:

No Safewords, No Limits: An Elaboration

Shaming of “Unethical” Dynamics Within the Community

Why I Chose Irrevocable Consent as a Label, What It Means to Me, and Why I Write About It

Uniforms and Challenges, the Literal and a Metaphor

Sadism vs. CNC

“But How Do You Just Hang Out?”: High Protocol in 24/7 Dynamics

“But how do you just… hang out?” 

Outside of maybe but how do you remember all that (a great question for another day), it’s probably the number one question I get when I talk about high protocol in the context of my dynamic, which is 24/7, live in, just two of us in the house and neither of us works outside the home; being a slave is my only full time occupation.   

Well, let’s look at an example.  This basic example happens on average multiple times a day and is probably our most typical interaction outside of a few other more specific rituals.

I enter Mistress’ office to talk about something.  I wait for her to acknowledge me, silent until she does so, not barging in already talking.  She’s doing something on the computer.  When she does look up a moment later and asks, “What’s up?” I kneel next to her, trying to be graceful about it, lowering to both knees at once without my hands.  There’s a recliner right behind me, but I’m not allowed to sit on the furniture in her presence or to ask to do so; she grants the permission pretty much only for meals.  We’re already talking as I do so, position not noted. 

We talk.  After a while, my legs are going numb.  I’m to hold the specific position until I ask and get permission otherwise (that, I am allowed to ask for).  I’m kneeling, sitting back on my heels, knees apart (big toes crossed, right over left), hands behind my back (hands clasped, thumbs crossed, both right over left), back straight.  Subconscious by now except for straightening my back now and then.  At whatever natural brief lull in the conversation, I ask, “May I stretch?” and she says, “You may,” as almost always.

Usually, permission grants (or denials), are answered with, “Thank you, Mistress,” but for ones that take a matter of seconds to complete, it’s waived, so I shift slightly and the conversation quickly resumes without it that time, though it may be sprinkled elsewhere in the conversation.  Orders, answered with, “Yes, Mistress,” have the same exception built in for practicality. 

When we’re about wrapping up talking, I ask as required to before I ask if I may go, “Anything else I can do?”  

“You may get me coffee.” 

An order (intention, not phrasing, which matters when deciding to respond with the thank you or yes) like that counts as permission to leave, so I don’t ask that part, but I do say, “Yes, Mistress,” stand, again trying to have hands free grace about it, and offer a quick curtsy, the final part of the little leaving ritual, head down, thumbs and forefingers grasping the skirt like hem of my long shirt—which is a uniform, part of the only, really specific outfit I’m allowed to wear, but looks like pretty normal attire—and placing the ball of my right foot behind my left heel for the quick little bob down and up, grab the drink, and exit. 

I bring her the refill—exactly as she likes it—and this time she simply says in acknowledgement, “You may go,” cutting the need to ask about anything else or permission to leave, so I curtsy again as required and exit. 

Clearly, I have to focus on the protocol oriented bits of this interaction to explain it, but you’ll notice that there’s a lot that and then we talk can encompass and how much of it is sheer habit at this point and/or completely unnoted.  Granted, when others witness it for the first time, they often quickly notice elements that we barely pay attention to at this point, if they don’t find it straight up jarring.

(“You may get me coffee,” was something from Mistress’ side that once disturbed a new guest who was aware of our dynamic but not of the details, as an order at once both incredibly direct—not softened up as a question or with please or thanks, but also phrased as a permission.  To the outsider, it looked demeaning, the, “You may do as I tell you/serve me.”  But it is, also, genuinely a permission; service is definitely a privilege, and one that I enjoy being granted, and the guest was reassured of this after I happily said, “Yes, Mistress,” and got the coffee.) 

But there’s a lot of just hanging out in there and the protocol is normal for us at this point.  It’s not weird, so to speak, that, say, I’m kneeling (usually, later sitting) on the floor the whole time.  I actually prefer the floor and Mistress often finds me sitting on the floor when she comes to find me even when I’m not in her presence and thus not required to be there.  I’m writing this post sitting alone on the floor of my office right now.

You can also see through that how the vast majority of the overt protocol involved, rather than the silent maintenance of them, is at the beginning and end of the interaction.

This is true in other interactions and rituals, too.  For example, our protocols at meals.

I serve meals at two specific times of the day—brunch at 9:30 AM and dinner at 6 PM.  The timing, obviously, influences the beginning.  When the table is set (properly, according to guidelines) and food is out, I press the button on our pager system’s transmitter to page her/alert her that dinner is ready. Then, I wait behind my assigned chair—the one to her right—as required in the position: legs together, hands behind my back (same details as in the kneeling position), back straight, head and eyes down.  I hold this position, not looking up or around, as she comes down the stairs and approaches me at the dining table until she gets close enough she acknowledges me by offering a kiss and granting table permission with, “You may sit.” 

Then, the meal proceeds usually without overt protocol until the end, when she leaves, and I clean up the kitchen (which, as a rule, has to be done immediately).  On some quieter nights, keeping to the function of eating, we’re done by 6:15 and off to whatever has our minds occupied (after cleanup, for me).  Sometimes we happily get lost in conversation about anything and everything and linger until after 7.  Generally, I assume I will have ample time for my evening routines between about 6:30 and 9:30 (required bedtime), especially noting that bedtime brings inspection of the kitchen and a few other things, which usually happens without me, though exceptions are made.  (Brunch serves as a morning inspection checkpoint for some morning tasks like making the bed.) But there is definitely a range, especially with company.

And I suppose that because our protocol never really shuts off (just some overt things removed in the rare case of vanilla company), if you count interactions that do have those protocol bits as not just hanging out, then maybe we just don’t do it, but we don’t see it that way, so it feels like good old quality time to us, with the bonus of moments of reinforcing and expressing our dynamic. 

It’s really hard to explain to people how much you can get used to until they experience it themselves (if they enter such a scenario).  How much becomes second nature and genuinely doesn’t cross my mind as out of the ordinary until it’s mentioned.  I had to glance at our contract while writing this post to make sure I remembered to note certain things as protocols at all, not just habits that slipped my mind to mention in a protocol oriented post. It is truly much harder for me to stop acting on most of our protocols (that vanilla company scenario) than it is to follow them.

So, for us it’s just hanging out, or some kind of equivalent, maybe like a relaxed day at work versus a relaxed day at home for some people, except as a slave, I’m kind of always at work. 

But, it works for us. 

My Typical Day, Told in Slave Positions

Unleashing.  First thing in the morning.  8:15 as required. Reaching over the edge of the bed for my phone and sending the message, Good morning, Mistress. May I get up, please?  Heart emoji.  Sleepily trying to get into position before she comes in.  Moving a cat off my leg.  Sitting up, cross legged on the bed, the leash binding me to it across both of my upturned palms, resting on my upper thighs.  The carabiner and shackle rattling against the bedframe a little.  I collect my hair back out of the way, tangled from sleep, and make sure the o-ring of my collar is in the front, the leash clip there accessible, the large clip heavy and easy to get to that lowest point.  Try to keep my back straight and not nod off.  She unclips the leash for me with more good mornings and kisses, leaving it loose in my hands.  I ask for permission to shower.  She says yes. 

Inspection.  After I’m done with that shower, I present myself for her inspection as required.  I set the towel I had wrapped around myself nearby and shiver without it in the air conditioning.  Legs apart, arms boxed behind back, head/eyes straight, back straight.  I try to keep still, even my gaze, unless she moves me, straightening my arms out at my sides or such.  She checks my work of shaving, and there’s no need for the tweezers today, as usual.  But, the threat is there.  I’m dismissed to dress in my uniform and go about my other morning tasks.

Waiting.  Brunch, served at 9:30 daily.  I check my table setting one more time and send Mistress the message, Brunch is ready, Mistress.  Another heart emoji.  Now, waiting behind my usual chair, legs together, hands at the small of my back (clasped, right over left, thumbs crossed, also right over left), back straight, head and eyes down.  Make sure that pulling my shoulders back doesn’t put my elbows out at an angle. When she comes downstairs, I don’t so much as look up until she acknowledges me somehow.  Today, as usual, it’s, “You may sit.”  I’m not to ask permission for the furniture anymore; she grants it herself or doesn’t.  We eat brunch. 

Presenting.  It’s maintenance day, Friday at noon.  So, after brunch is cleaned up and a few other tasks done, it’s time for maintenance discipline.  I take the maintenance wand—a short, thick cane—from the mantel.  Many things have changed about maintenance since the start of our dynamic, but that remains. I go upstairs, alert her that I’m ready, and go to the bedroom.  Undress.  Kneel by the foot of the bed, facing the door.  Knees spread apart, big toes crossed behind me, the wand across my palms on my thighs like the leash.  Head/eyes down.  Back straight.  She comes in and I offer the wand with both hands, head still down.  She sits on the bed.  We do maintenance. 

Kneeling.  The day continues.  I go about my usual service tasks, do some writing.  I find myself in Mistress’ office with us chatting.  So, I kneel in front of her. I try to do it gracefully, balanced, both legs at once and not using my hands. My knees are apart again, big toes crossed in back again, hands clasped at the small of my back (right over left, thumbs crossed, also right over left), elbows not at an angle, back straight.  When we’ve been talking for a while, I get permission to shift into whatever position’s comfortable. I try to get up in the same balanced manner, no hands. 

Curtsy. When I’ve been given permission to leave (after the required asking if there’s anything else I can do to be of service, and then for the permission), I offer the required curtsy, the only “moving” position: from just standing, lower my head, hold my skirt out (gripping with thumbs and forefingers, pinkies extended), place the ball of my right foot behind my left heel, bend at the knees, and return to standing. Then, I go.

Waiting.  Dinner is served at six as always.  One more table check.  Another message.  Dinner is ready, Mistress.  Heart.  The same position as for brunch.  A kiss and, “You may sit.”  Dinner.

Leashing.  After all other tasks, the last message at the bedtime cutoff, 9:30. Would you leash me to the bed at your convenience, please, Mistress?  Yes.  Thank you, Mistress.  The same position as in the morning.  The click of the leash getting clipped to my collar.  A sturdy setup: the steel bedframe and heavy shackle bolted through it, suspension worthy carabiner, rope leash, Mistress’ work on it in the whipping twine that reinforces it together, the steel clip on the leash and o-ring and shackle on my collar, the claspless circle of rope around my neck she made.  I’ve slept with it since Summer 2019.  It will certainly handle any tossing and turning as I doze off.  

Visual Reference

Recommended Resources

BDSM/General

Chase Tramel

Dear Raven and Joshua by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

Devyn Stone

Manual Creation by Machele Kindle

Master/slave Mastery – Updated by Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield

Paradigms of Power by Raven Kaldera

Science of BDSM

Seed and Sulphur

Slave-ography by Slave Patrick

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

So you want to be a slave: The Realities – miria hunter

Submissive Guide

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton

Unruly Nerd Girl

Butlers

Butlers and Household Managers, 21st Century Professionals by Steven Ferry

International Institute of Modern Butlers Courses (Full Private Residence Butler/Household Manager Online Course)

Serving the Wealthy: The Modern Butler’s & Household/Estate(s) Manager’s Companion: Volumes 1 and 2 by Steven Ferry

The Butler Speaks by Charles MacPherson

The Kinky Butler

Customer Service

Be Our Guest by Theodore B. Kinni

Lessons in Service from Charlie Trotter by Edmund Lawler

Start with Why by Simon Senek

Study.com’s Hospitality & Tourism Management Training

Typsy.com’s Classes (Especially Table Service and Housekeeping Principles/Applications)

Food, Alcohol, Cigars

Alcohol Awareness Card Course (Varies By Location) (Nevada)

Bartending For Dummies by Ray Foley

Cooked by Michael Pollan

Dictionary of Culinary & Menu Terms by Rodney Dale

Food Allergy Training by 360Trainings

Food Safety Manager Card Course (Varies By Location) (Nevada)

How to Repair Food by Tanya Zeryck

The Art of The Table by Suzanne von Drachenfels

The Ultimate Cigar Book by Richard Carleton Hacker

Think Like a Chef by Tom Colicchio

Wine Folly: the Essential Guide to Wine by Madeline Puckette

Wine For Dummies by Ed Mccarthy

Positions

Slave Position Guide from Best Slave Training

Slave Position Guide from Restrained Elegance

Productivity and Philosophy

Deep Work by Cal Newport

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

Getting Things Done by David Allen

How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Protocols

Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners by John Morgan

Master/slave Mastery – Protocols by Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette by Nancy Tuckerman and Nancy Dunnan

The Ritual of Dominance & Submission by David English

Safety

Bloodborne Pathogens Training by CPR.io

Fire Safety Training by ProTrainings

Redcross.org’s Classes (Especially Adult, Child and Baby First Aid/CPR/AED and Cat and Dog First Aid)

The American Red Cross First Aid and Safety Handbook by American Red Cross

Service

Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy

Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendelson

Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

Service Notebook by Joshua Tenpenny

Wardrobe and Fabric

Men’s Wardrobe by Kim Johnson Gross

Ready to Wear by Mary Lou Andre

The Book of Fine Linen by Francoise de Bonneville

On Asking Permission vs. Being Offered It

My uniform code specifies no hair styling or makeup or jewelry except my collar, smart watch, and wedding ring; no tattoos, piercings, hair cutting or coloring.  It occurs to me very rarely to ask to shake it up; fashion has never been my thing, especially over convenience.   

There’s a thing or two that’s not my uniform that’s stuck around to be worn on special occasions; Mistress has me wear it to the occasional holiday party or on her birthday.  This past year on my own birthday, I asked to wear a sweater I’d received for the recently passed Christmas before donating it; she said yes.  (The sweater was from her mother.)

Oddly inspired, I recently asked to put my hair in two braids mostly to functionally keep it out of the way and off my neck in the three digit heat when we went out to play tennis; she said yes. It felt like a strangely big thing to ask for without a real occasion.  My uniform hairstyle was a twisted ponytail for about a year until we found out it was causing headaches; it’s been about a year of leaving it down since.  The only time I’d asked for a hairstyle modification previously was that birthday with the sweater. [I am now allowed to put it up in a bun with a clip at will.]

When it does occur to me to ask, I rarely do.  It’s the one percent when I ask of the one percent when I think of it.  It feels… loaded.  I feel like I need a justification, or something that waters it down, like a brief timeframe.  I think of the circumstances and if I’m ahead on chores and what mood she’s in and if she’s busy and what other things I’ve asked permission for recently; I probably ask or gain permission for dozens of things a day, most of them being granted permission to leave her presence or shift from my kneeling position on the floor.  Little things.  But the may I… comes up so often that I don’t want to add to the count unnecessarily.   

Usually, at dinner time, when I’ve just put the food on the table, I send her a message; she has an alarm set for ten minutes before our set time, six, so she knows to wrap up what she’s doing.  My message is a final notification. And then she’ll come downstairs and either tell me I may sit at the table, or tell me first to get her more coffee, more water, something from the kitchen. 

Once, she came downstairs and mistakenly thought I had asked for permission to sit before she simply granted it without the question.  Usually her first words at the bottom of the stairs or edge of the dining room were, “You may sit,” before I say anything. This time, though, she thought I had asked first and seemed a little bewildered.  I had to laugh, a little, because she had previously teased me for not sitting at the table before she got downstairs, leaving me technically alone, thus able to sit on the furniture at will.  Later, I reflected to her that it felt rather like rules lawyering to sit at the table when I was alone but knew she’d be down in a minute at my notification, the thing in the back of my mind that kept me from doing so. 

I brought this up to her along with an idea.  What if I didn’t ask to sit on the furniture?  What if I only did so if she granted the permission unprompted?  As an offer of permission, it’s generous; as a question, it’s loaded.  I explained how much goes on in my head when I ask permission for things and expressed that this seemed like a simple permission to experiment with, because I so rarely have to actually ask, and it’s an easy thing for her to notice I might want.  Once I cleared up one misunderstanding and she heard my explanation, she agreed to give it a shot, noting only the promise of punishment if I complained about an opportunity where she didn’t offer the permission.  

It’s been going well so far, and largely unnoted.  I’ve enjoyed it.  I think I sit on the furniture a little less, which is fine by me.  Headspace reinforcing.  

We shortly thereafter added a position to our repertoire that I wait behind my chair in, after sending that final message: legs together, hands clasped at the small of my back, back straight, head and eyes down.

One friend, visiting and then running a brief errand and returning, came back and found us with Mistress on the couch, and me kneeling in front of her on the floor in my standard position, knees apart, hands again clasped at the small of my back.  He asked if he was interrupting.  “No, no, just having a conversation,” she told him.  He still seemed to be backing away. 

“Not a conversation,” I told him, seeing what he was eyeing; “but like, chatting.  This is just how we talk.” 

Realization or remembering dawned and we proceeded.  

Yes, I guess it can look a little formal, but I often forget what it looks like to a third party.  To us, it’s natural.  It probably does look like we’re having a conversation visually even if we’re audibly discussing the weather or what’s for brunch.  It was barely in my head until it was noticed during that conversation, less notable than the unleashing position I’d assumed early that morning to get out of bed, or the inspection position I’d assumed after my shower, and those weren’t much conscious, either.  It was just, I was wiping down the coffee station, Mistress was sitting on the couch, she said, “When you’re done wiping that down, come kneel over here,” and I said, “Yes, Mistress,” and did. 

But the formality difference might have been somewhere in my head when I hesitated to ask to sit on the furniture, and it feels better to wait for the offer, or not do so at all—to be more at her true whim.  That’s a great feeling. 

Noticing the Fork: How the Little Protocols Add Up

6 PM, and so dinner. 

“You may sit,” Mistress said as she took her own place at the table.  I did.  I was moving my napkin to my lap when she added, “You may also start setting my fork on the right side.”  She moved the misplaced utensil.  

I stared at the fork for a second; I don’t remember now exactly what I said—presumably an apology or, Yes, Mistress—but I remember staring at the fork and running back over how it could have ended up on the wrong side. 

It felt like the stupidest thing to have to be reprimanded for, because it was so simple, and not a new rule.  Something that has been done without incident usually twice a day for a long time.  

The almost funny thing here is that where I had left the fork was technically correct by table setting etiquette.  But Mistress likes her place setting reversed.  Lacking a good sense of direction, I frequently set every place—even if it’s just mine and hers—“correctly” at first, and then go back and completely reverse hers, to not screw up my idea of any of the others and make sure that I don’t reverse something at her place twice or whatnot.  

What happened tonight was that I set every place and before I went back to reverse hers, a timer for what I was cooking went off that I had to see to and I forgot to come back to reverse it.   

The incident, if minor, reminded me of many conversations I’ve had with friends about some of our protocol, mostly the details they know their own eyes skim right over—like which side the fork goes on.  They wonder if those protocols are something that would truly be noticed, let alone reprimanded, or if it’s something that realistically flies under the radar or something that I falsely just think Mistress would care about. 

Mistress commented on the subject with, “They mistake my easy going nature for an easy going nature,” noting that there are a lot of things she’s, in her words, critical about, and that the reality of that easy going appearance is that those things are usually done correctly and so go without being noted; there’s no real reason to comment on them when they’re correct.  

A lot of these things aren’t hard to remember or do.  They do add up, for both of us.   

Much of our messaging history is permission requests to be leashed or unleashed from the bed (twice a day if it’s done via message both times), required notifications of my location (daily incidents including my walk and getting the mail), asking permission to make needed phone calls, or shower, and then asking her to come inspect me after as required, and orders and the obligatory, Yes, Mistress, and other permission requests and the obligatory, Thank you, Mistress.

I remember, once, balancing a mix of simultaneous text conversations, thinking about what in each conversation I was nervous about accidentally sending to the wrong person.  The message I prayed I didn’t sent to Mistress on accident at that moment was simply the informal, Yeah.

We don’t take time off from protocol; the only exceptions widely applied are vanilla company or Mistress not being with me; seeing as we live together with no vanilla people and neither of us have an occupation outside the home, these exceptions are not so common.   

The structure and convenience our protocols provide is something we have never been willing to put on hold, and so they’re in place 24/7/365.  We could not turn off the underlying dynamic if we tried, anyway; it’s who we are, and most of our protocols are deeply engrained habit.  When those rare exceptions do apply, there are frequently near slips.  Some protocols are so affected by internal enslavement I can no longer wrap my head around not following them as long as Mistress wants them.  

And so the little things, if there are a lot of them, every day, add up.  And even one slip is still noticeable.  There are a lot of things that are nearly subconscious now, or are very rarely noted because they’re done correctly, but somewhere, the headspace effects add up, too, and there’s a lot of carefulness involved. 

So in the end, every little thing is worth it

Protocols in a New Place

So, we bought a house and moved somewhat recently.

Now, we moved in together eight weeks after meeting (and concurrently began our 24/7 power dynamic), so basically the entirety of our relationship has been living together in the one location we lived before we moved. 

So for really the first time, we’ve had to see how our preexisting protocols do in a new long term setting.  It’s interesting to notice patterns as we settle in.   

For example, my office is now in the master’s retreat, a little room off the master bedroom separated by French doors that are often open.  Now, if Mistress is in the bedroom, and dismisses me from her presence, and I go to my office, I can sit in the chair at my desk despite the fact we’re still very close by and not separated by anything, because we’re no longer actively engaged and it doesn’t count as using the furniture in her presence.  This wasn’t really a thing with my old office whose door went to the hallway.    

Meanwhile, there’s a wall downstairs with an open interior window and so a ledge one can sit on, and the stairs as we moved to a two story, and so on, and it had to be decided whether or not certain household features count as furniture.  The one story we were in had different features.  

Now that we have a lot more hardwood floors, I’ve found out that kneeling on them is a bit less cushioned but makes my legs go numb a lot slower. Overall, I like it slightly better.

Mistress’ office is much bigger now and importantly, I can access most of it without having to walk directly past her.  We have and have had a protocol that if I come into a room (mostly her office) and don’t make eye contact with her, it doesn’t count as being in her presence and is a signal that I’m just passing through to use an object in there or clean something, and so I don’t need to ask permission (and what else I can do, and then curtsy) to leave again, which would be the entirety of that interaction.  The new layout makes avoiding said eye contact easier, which I’ve noted quickly.  Convenient.    

Little other things—the master bathroom has a separate toilet room and the (also French) doors to the main part of the bathroom don’t lock, meaning the rule about me not locking interior doors gets a little more intuitive when I get in the shower.    

The rule on notifying her when I’m leaving the house kicked into effect for getting the mail, no more slot right in the garage door.  Not a big deal, and I have to remember the mailbox keys, too. 

Of course, numerous tiny service details have changed, too. It all has an effect, for sure. 

It’s been really interesting to adjust, and I’m sure there are still things to discover; I look forward to it.