I’m not going to get into the “all humans are good/bad/changeable” thing, but I will say this: pretty sure that almost everyone has some selfish desires, which they act on to varying extents. Picking the night’s activity. Getting out of chores. Eating the last slice of pizza. Whatever it may be.
Now, in most healthy egalitarian relationships, people try to balance giving in to their own selfish desires and their partner’s. Switch off on who picks if they stay in for Netflix or if they go out on the town. One person cleans and one person cooks. You cut the last slice in half. 50/50, give or take.
Now, as a slave, I want it to look as close to 100/0 as you can get. That’s not to say that I don’t have selfish desires of my own. It’s more that not acting on them gives me more than acting on them, in a different way.
And there are a decent amount of times where Mistress is in a generous mood or doesn’t care much about a choice and lets me pick, and I’m okay with that. I admit that if it happened terribly frequently, I might start to question myself, and if I don’t have a strong opinion, I might confirm one more time that she truly doesn’t have one either.
What I don’t want is for her to offer me a choice or compromise out of a sense of obligation. It is my goal, and job, to give her everything she wants, and I try to behave in a way where she feels comfortable taking everything she wants. Giving someone all of the last slice of pizza but making them feel guilty for it can be even more negative than taking the last slice of pizza. So I try not to whine or otherwise try to change her mind.
While some of it is on the one on the left side of the slash to be willing and able and wanting to do—say, if they’re not willing to act “selfishly” or tell someone no or order them to do something that they don’t want to do—there’s not much their partner can do on their own about it.
But if they are willing, a partner responding negatively can still put a huge damper on it.
In my opinion, if you want your partner to take whatever they want from you, you have to make it easy to take. If you say, “It’s okay if I don’t like it, and it’s okay to tell me no!” but throw a fit every time you don’t like something or get told no, your partner will develop real doubts. If you want someone to tell you what to do, you have to be willing to do what they tell you. Otherwise, they’ll feel like they’re playing a game they get nothing out of.
I want her to prioritize herself as close to 100% of the time as possible, so I have to act accordingly.
To act accordingly, I have to be more hardy than fragile. The image of a delicate, sensitive s-type is one found often in fiction around the subject, but in the end it is rarely good for anyone involved. If a bit of discomfort consistently affects someone strongly, it seems unlikely they will deal well with day in and day out prioritizing someone else.
Both parties should be capable on their own, first and foremost.
If my goal is to make Mistress’ life easier, I have to aim to not add new problems, like my desires, to her plate.
Of course, life happens, no one’s perfect, and everyone has their days.
But in the end, I wouldn’t view myself as much of a slave in a dynamic where things revolved around me or my wants, comfort, convenience.
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