Day in the Slave Life: My General Daily Schedule

8:10 AM

Probably rolling over already, staring up at the outrigger on the bed or the ceiling; shut the alarm before or when it goes off. Up and at ‘em!  Well, up and into proper Unleashing Position. Detangle self from blanket on the floor and hit the leash/unleash request button on the pager transmitter while I get in position.  Mistress comes in and unclips the leash from my collar. 

She unleashes me and bids me good morning, giving me permission to speak. I ask permission to go to the bathroom (in the proper format), and she grants it.

“Thank you, Mistress.”

She leaves, and I get up to do that, put on my daily uniform (having slept nude), and wash up, take meds, etc.

Then I go for a one mile meditative walk around the block (notifying her I’m leaving the house before I go, and taking my phone with me for her to track).

When I get back, I see to morning service tasks.  Open the right blinds, turn on the right lights, open a set of windows if it’s nice. Do a quick tidy of the house, setting everything back in its place. Make the bed (remember the hospital corners), add a linen spray (and in my office, and on the couches), and fold up my blanket. Prepare another pot of coffee to be turned on later. Check on the plants’ and the cats’ needs.

9:20 AM

Make brunch. On the table, set properly, at 9:30. Hit the downstairs pager transmitter button for mealtimes and get into Waiting Position behind my assigned chair.  Mistress comes downstairs and, since she likes me at the table at meals but I can’t sit on the furniture around her without permission, or even ask, she checks my position for things like finger placement (hands clasped behind back, right over left, right thumb over left thumb), says, “You may sit.” We have brunch and talk, and after, I clean up immediately. If I’m making a slow cooking dinner entree, I start it, and usually do a few other chores.

10:29 AM

Morning inspection in one minute. I get into position in the bedroom—standing, legs apart, hands clasped behind my head. Mistress checks over my morning service tasks, and me, and my uniform, the position, my timeliness, everything, and—usually—lets me know I did well. I rub in sunscreen for her, and the morning is done.


See to any tasks scheduled on a weekly or less frequent basis.

Weekly tasks look like this:

Sunday: Double check on restocking items throughout household, go grocery shopping.

Monday: 4 PM sex, take a shower (I frequently group those together), clean cat box (I usually do this with morning chores.)

Tuesday: Deeper cleaning in the kitchen (I usually group this with brunch cleanup); at 4 PM, give Mistress a pedicure.

Wednesday: Clean cat box, deeper cleaning in bathrooms, we play ping pong (this happens after dinner).

Thursday: I take out all of the trash, put the trash bins down to the curb (usually as part of morning chores), and do extra laundry. 4PM sex, take a shower.

Friday: Maintenance discipline (after brunch, grouped with morning inspection), bring trash bins up from curb, do weekly review, clean cat box.

Saturday: My mom comes over for dinner. Floor cleaning/dusting/surface cleaning/furniture cleaning.

There are also monthly, quarterly tasks, so on, and little things that come up.

Calendar events might include hosting for Las Vegas TNG or teaching for SlaveClass (and there are tasks related to this as well).

Probably writing otherwise. Might do butler school coursework.

Basically, free time, maybe errands or company if permitted, probably grab lunch or a snack at some point. 

4:45 PM

Somewhere as early as 4:45 and as late as 5:45 (if finishing off something slow cooking), cook dinner.  There might have been afternoon baking for it, too.  

Dinner on the table at 6, table set properly, hit the transmitter button, get into Waiting Position in place. Same deal as brunch. She checks the position and grants me permission to sit. We eat and talk a bunch; I clean up, make sure there’s coffee prepped for morning, and shut down the downstairs when I’m done/when I go upstairs for the night.

9:35 PM 

Shut down/turn down the upstairs. Turn down the bed, set out the nightly turndown card. Fill the humidifier. Unfold my blanket on the floor. Undress.

Evening inspection at 9:45.

I stand in position in the bedroom, Mistress checks over my evening service tasks, and me, the position, my timeliness, all of it again, and, usually, lets me know I did well.

Then, I get her lotion for the night and rub it in for her. After that, I get into Leashing Position and get leashed for the night.

We probably talk or cuddle. She’ll leave or get into bed; I make sure to message my mom goodnight. 

I set my alarms, write my slave journal entry, charge my electronics, take my meds, and shut my laptop.

Then, time for sleep.

Decision Making and Internal Enslavement: A Metaphor

We talked about the weight—or the perceived lack thereof—of decision making as a slave the other day. 

Mistress pointed out that for many s-types, outsourcing the decision, so to speak, to their left side of the slash counterpart, relieves decision fatigue, anxiety about the consequences of that choice, and the feeling of responsibility.

But for me, it doesn’t, really. Even if she makes the decision and I have no right to argue—and I don’t—I still feel responsible. I still feel the need to think my way through the decision as if I was going to make it myself—even if it has to be after the fact. I might not come up with anything more than, “Well, Mistress said so,” or trust in her general judgment, but the thought process is still there, seeing if that is the only reason. I still feel responsible for the outcome, even if my only part in it was the decision, a long time ago, to submit. I still feel like—as a service—I should think through it to make sure she’s not missing anything she might want to know. I still have that standing at the crossroads feeling. 

She pointed out that this appeared to contradict my usual perspective on internal enslavement. Usually, I said that, at this point and for a long time now, I could not, psychologically, purposefully choose something that violated her will. But no, this still lined up for me, and I explained it like this: 

So I’m standing at a fork in the road. One clear, sunny path leads to the obedient action. The other path—to disobedience—is shrouded in fog. The clear path is the obvious best choice, the one I normally happily continue down. But, even just mentally pondering the foggy path, it’s like wandering into that thick fog and constantly getting turned around. I always end up back where I started like ultimately bouncing off a force field. If I could see the path clearly, I’d notice that it dead ends in a few feet. But sometimes I don’t see or remember that it’s a dead end. But I start to dissociate, and thoughts swirl in that fog, too much to continue down that path. Because of that guarantee, that the fog is too thick, there isn’t really a path there at all, no matter the apparent intersection. And so I go wander down the clear path again. 

This made sense to her. The decision sometimes seemed like it could be mine, regardless of the truth, if I could just get through that fog. But the fog makes sure there’s nothing for me on the other side of it. And I normally don’t even notice the foggy path as an option; certainly going down it doesn’t frequently occur to me. 

But, the sheer fogginess of that path, the guarantee of a dead end, scares some people as a description. I see why. Free will is something a lot of people hold dear enough to never be willing to give up. I get it. But I don’t feel scared by it much. I hold that will dearly, too, and I didn’t hand it over lightly. But I know whom I gave it to and trust her like I would trust myself.

That’s all I need to know when I’m noticing the fog at the fork in the road. 

Service Skill: Cooking (Recipes)


Pot Roast

Season boneless chuck roast, four to five pounds (salt/pepper/paprika), sear on all sides (optional).  Add water to cover, pound of baby carrots, three to four cups tomato sauce, and simmer in pot on stove or crock pot on high with liner for six to eight hours, stirring now and then.  Try to break apart large pieces of meat. Serve on top of boiled egg noodles if desired. 

Baked Ziti

Preheat oven 350*F.  Cook and drain one box/a pound of penne pasta (or comparable pasta of choice).  Decase, brown, and crumble one pack Italian sausage, add jar (three to four cups) of tomato sauce to heat.  Combine sauce, pasta, and sausage in 9×13 glass pan, and sprinkle on shredded mozzarella until nearly covered.  Bake fifteen minutes or so.  Serves up to five or so.  Skip sausage for vegetarian version.

Garlic Chicken

Preheat oven 400*F.  Melt quarter cup butter with about twelve cloves crushed, peeled garlic.  Dip boneless skinless chicken breasts (halved) or thighs into butter/garlic sauce, then coat in even mixture of bread crumbs and grated parmesan (with tablespoon or so garlic powder).  Place coated chicken in greased 9×13 glass baking pan.  Bake for about thirty-five minutes or until 165*F in center of chicken.  Serves up to four with two or three pieces of chicken a piece.    

Lemon Chicken

Preheat oven 400*F.  Stir together a half cup flour, two tablespoons lemon pepper seasoning, zest of one lemon, some salt and pepper.  Toss boneless skinless chicken breasts (halved) or thighs in mixture.  Heat some olive oil in an oven proof skillet. Add chicken and brown on both sides.  Add three tablespoons butter, three quarters cup chicken broth, and one sliced lemon.  Bake about twenty minutes or until 165*F in center of chicken. Serves up to about four with two or three pieces of chicken a piece.    

Pork Chops

Season boneless pork chops with salt and pepper, then coat in flour.  Heat oil in skillet, and fry pork chops until brown on both sides, and 145*F or above in their center.  Can easily cook for three to four at once.  Goes well with applesauce. 

Chicken Thighs (or Drumsticks)

Preheat oven to 400*F.  Place bone in skin on chicken thighs (or drumsticks) in glass baking dish, making sure skin covers meat.  Season with salt, pepper, rosemary, and thyme.  Cook for an hour-ish, until 165*F in center of chicken.  Serves about one person per two or three pieces of chicken.

Pan Steaks

Allow steaks to rest at room temperature for thirty to sixty minutes.  Pat dry, season generously with salt and pepper.  Heat oil in skillet on medium-high.  Sear steaks a few minutes on both sides, flip and cook to desired doneness.  Optional: shortly before done, add a few tablespoons of butter, and spoon butter over steaks. 

Stir Fry Style Chicken (or Steak)

Cut boneless skinless chicken breasts or thighs (or steak) into about one inch cubes.  Heat a drizzle of olive oil in wok or skillet on medium high.  Add chicken (or steak), season with salt and pepper as desired, cook to 165*F in center of chicken pieces (or to desired safe temp for steak).  Add in some butter near the end if desired. 

Basic Chicken Breast

Pat dry, then flatten, boneless skinless chicken breasts and season with salt and pepper as desired; allow to rest at room temperature about thirty minutes.  Heat oil in skillet on medium high heat.  Cook on both sides to 165*F internal temperature.

Pork Roast

Season boneless pork tenderloin, salt/pepper, sear on all sides (optional).  Add apple juice to cover and one pound of baby carrots.  Simmer in pot on stove or crock pot on high with liner for six to eight hours, stirring now and then, breaking apart large pieces of meat.  

Garlic Parmesan Pasta

Cook egg noodles or desired pasta; meanwhile, peel and mince about one head garlic.  Drain pasta.  In empty pot, heat a generous drizzle of olive oil and two or three tablespoons of butter.  Add garlic, cook until beginning to brown, reduce heat, add pasta back in.  Add grated parmesan cheese to taste and stir thoroughly.  Serve with extra parmesan on top/on the side. 

Baked BBQ Pork

Preheat oven to 400*F. Blot boneless half pork tenderloin dry with paper towels. Rub with brown sugar, paprika, salt, and pepper. Sear on all sides in oven proof skillet. Place in oven and bake about one hour/until pork is 145*F in center. Brush with BBQ sauce about ten minutes before done. Slice and serve with extra sauce.

Crock Pot Chicken

Season boneless, skinless chicken breast to taste (salt/pepper/other). Add chicken broth or water to cover and one pound baby carrots and other desired veggies. Simmer in crock pot on high with liner for six to eight hours, checking chicken is still liquid covered now and then.

Lemon Spaghetti

Cook spaghetti/similar pasta of choice according to directions on box. Meanwhile, combine a drizzle of olive oil, zest of one lemon, and juice of two lemons in a separate skillet. When you’re about to drain the pasta, turn on heat under the skillet to medium. Drain pasta; keep three quarters cup of pasta water. Add pasta and the three quarters cup pasta water to skillet. Toss with six tablespoons of butter, cut into small pieces, and half cup grated parmesan until sauce is smooth. Season with salt and pepper. Serve with extra parmesan.

Grated Tomato Sauce and Pasta

Cook penne/similar pasta of choice according to directions on box. Meanwhile, slice a thin round off the bottom of three tomatoes. Over a cutting board, starting at cut end, grate the tomatoes over the largest holes of a grater; discard skin/stem remaining. Transfer grated tomato to bowl. Season with salt and pepper. Peel and mince eight cloves garlic. Heat drizzle of olive oil in a skillet over medium. Cook garlic until just starting to brown. Reduce heat to medium low, add tomatoes, and simmer, stirring, for above five minutes to thicken. Remove from heat, add two tablespoons butter, and stir until melted. Combine with cooked pasta and serve.


Mashed Potatoes

Rinse and peel (if desired) potatoes (Russet, Idaho, that sort; about one or two potatoes per person; add a sweet potato if desired, cut to same size).  Cut into sixths or so.  Place in large pot on stove, well covered with salted water.  Simmer for about half hour. Drain water.  Add about 1/4 cup (half stick) of butter, cut into tablespoons or so, more if desired, small splash of milk, and salt.  You can also add minced garlic if desired.  Blend well with hand mixer or potato masher.  Add milk if needed to desired texture. 

Roasted Potatoes

Preheat oven to 400*F.  Rinse about two potatoes per person (Russet, Idaho, golden, red, whatever desired), peel if desired, chop into about one inch pieces. Toss potatoes on baking sheet with large drizzle of olive oil, about two tablespoons melted butter if desired, add salt/pepper. Cook in oven for about an hour, flipping every fifteen minutes.

Roasted Asparagus

Preheat oven to 375*F. Rinse asparagus and trim (all white, to about second knuckle). Spread on lined baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and melted butter if desired, then brush it over/toss. Season with salt and pepper. Put in oven for about 25 minutes, flip/rearrange about halfway through. Finish quickly in hot skillet.

Drop Biscuits

Preheat oven 400*F. Combine one and three-quarter cups flour, one tablespoon baking powder, one teaspoon sugar, and one teaspoon salt. Cut in half cup of cold butter. Mix in three quarter cup milk. Create about twelve scoops of dough on lined baking sheet. Brush with milk, bake until golden, about twenty-two minutes.

Roasted Cherry Tomatoes

Preheat oven to 375*F. Rinse tomatoes. Spread on lined baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil and melted butter if desired, then brush it over/toss. Season with salt and pepper. Put in oven for about 20 minutes, flip/rearrange about halfway through.

Cut Out Biscuits

Preheat oven 450*F.  Combine nine cups flour, three tablespoons baking powder, three tablespoons sugar, three teaspoons salt, and two and a quarter teaspoons cream of tartar.  Cut in two and a quarter cups of cold butter.  Make well in center of bowl, add three cups of milk.  Stir.  Turn dough out onto floured surface, knead, roll to about desired thickness with floured rolling pin (about three quarters of an inch), cut with floured biscuit cutter to rounds (about two and a half inches).  Brush with milk, bake on lined baking sheet until light golden brown, about fifteen minutes.  Freeze leftover rounds until just solid on parchment paper, then store in resealable bag to pop in oven later.   Makes about three dozen. 

Mac and Cheese

Boil salted water.  Add elbow macaroni/pasta of choice.  Cook until done, maybe twelve minutes, drain, set aside.  Melt three tablespoons of butter with a splash of milk.  Stir in eight to twelve slices of American cheese if serving one to four, and small handful shredded cheddar if desired.  Add milk or cheese to desired texture, stir until smooth.  Add pasta back in, stir.


Peel, core, and chop about five pounds of apples.  Add to lined crock pot with large pinch of salt, the juice of one lemon, and one and a half cups water.  Cook in crock pot on high for about three and a half hours, stirring occasionally, or until it reaches desired consistency/taste. Store in fridge. 

Sautéed Bell Peppers

Prep bell peppers (rinse, core, remove seeds and ribs, cut into strips lengthwise). Heat olive oil in skillet over medium high heat. Add bell peppers. Season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally (allow to char), about ten minutes.

Rustic Bread

Mix three cups warm water (around 110*F), two and a quarter teaspoons active dry yeast, and one tablespoon sugar in large mixing bowl.  Let sit for about five minutes/until bubbly.  Add six cups flour and three teaspoons salt.  Mix until it forms dough.  Cover loosely with plastic wrap. Let rise about three hours.  Preheat oven to 450*F and put an upside down cookie sheet on the top rack.  Fill baking dish with water and place on bottom rack.  Sprinkle flour on counter, turn out dough, fold on itself, and divide in half.  Form two round loaves.  Cut an X on top of each ball.  Place on lightly floured pan, then put pan on top of the cookie sheet in the oven.  Bake about forty minutes.  Internal temp should be above 190*F.  Wait at least a half hour before slicing. 


Basic Drop Cookies (With GF Option)

Preheat oven to 350*F.  Combine one and one quarter cups flour, half a teaspoon baking soda, half a teaspoon baking powder, three quarter teaspoon salt, half cup butter, one third cup sugar, half cup brown sugar, two teaspoons vanilla, and one egg.  Mix in desired amount of mix ins. (Try: chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, white chocolate chips, nuts, M&Ms, Reese’s Pieces, themed candy, crushed potato chips, crushed pretzels.) Place balls of dough on lined baking sheets and bake until golden brown, about fifteen minutes.  Makes about a dozen cookies.  Substitute gluten free flour for gluten free cookies. Double recipe and spread dough evenly in 9×9 greased cake pan and bake until toothpick test passed (about 20 minutes) for blondies.  Freeze extra balls of dough on parchment paper until solid, then store in zipper bag to pop in oven later.  

Poached Pears (Or Apples)

Fill a bowl with cold water. Peel, half, and core pears and place them in the bowl. In a pot, combine one and a half cups red wine (or substitute), three quarter cup sugar, two tablespoons lemon juice, zest of one lemon (optional), two teaspoons vanilla, and two teaspoons cinnamon; bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Add the pears and simmer for about ten minutes; flip and simmer for about eight minutes. Serve with ice cream and extra sauce. (For apples—cut large pieces instead of halving; reduce cook time—about seven minutes, flip, six minutes.)

Peanut Butter (Thumbprint) Cookies

Preheat oven to 375*F.  Combine one third cup sugar, half cup brown sugar, one teaspoon baking soda, half teaspoon salt, one and two thirds cup flour, half cup softened butter, three quarters cup creamy peanut butter, one egg, and one teaspoon vanilla.  Create small balls of dough, place spaced out on lined cookie sheet.  Bake until golden brown, about twelve minutes. Makes about two dozen. For “Thumbprint” (optional): Press reservoir into center of each cookie.  Add Nutella or melted chocolate to reservoir. (Alternatively: Press reservoir into center of cookie with a few minutes left to bake. Add Rolo, mini candy bar, or similar candy to reservoir, and finish baking.)

Red Wine Brownies

Preheat the oven to 350*F. Combine one cup melted butter, one and a half cups brown sugar, one cup sugar, three eggs, two teaspoons vanilla, half cup red wine, one and a half cups unsweetened cocoa powder, three-quarter cup flour, and half teaspoon salt. Pour batter evenly into greased nine by nine (ish) pan. Bake about fifty minutes/until toothpick test passed.

Cookie Butter Cookies

Combine one and three-quarter cups flour, half teaspoon baking soda, half teaspoon salt, half cup brown sugar, one-quarter cup sugar, ten tablespoons butter (softened, not melted), half cup cookie butter, two eggs, one teaspoon vanilla, and chocolate chips/desired mix-ins. Create balls of dough on lined baking sheet and chill, about thirty minutes. Preheat the oven to 350*F. Bake until golden brown, about sixteen minutes. Makes about twenty.


Preheat oven to 325*F.  Mix one cup plus two tablespoons powdered sugar, three cups flour, and one and a half cups softened butter. (For “funfetti” shortbread: add sprinkles.) Lightly grease 9×13 baking pan, cover bottom of pan evenly in dough.  Bake until very lightly brown, about twenty-eight minutes. Cut into desired shapes, prick with fork as desired.

Apple Bread

Preheat oven to 350*F.  Grease and flour a 9×5 inch loaf pan.  Mix one third cup brown sugar, one teaspoon cinnamon, two third cup sugar, one and a half cups flour, one and three quarters teaspoons baking powder, half cup butter, two eggs, one and a half teaspoons vanilla, one tablespoon Nutella, half cup milk, and two apples, peeled and chopped into small/desired size pieces.  Pour into loaf pan.  Bake until toothpick test passed, browned, about forty minutes.

(Vegan) Basic Drop Cookies

Combine two cups flour, one teaspoon baking soda, half teaspoon salt, half cup brown sugar, half cup sugar, half cup canola oil, quarter cup water, two teaspoons vanilla, and desired amount of (vegan) chocolate chips/mix ins. Create large mounds of dough on a lined baking sheet; chill for thirty minutes. Preheat the oven to 375*F. Bake about sixteen minutes. Makes about twelve.

Ice Cream Bread

Preheat oven to 350*F.  Soften four cups of desired regular ice cream.  Grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan.  Stir 3 cups of self rising flour with ice cream.  Pour mixture into loaf pan and smooth out.  Bake about 50 minutes or until done, toothpick test passed.  (Incorporate toppings, mix ins, or serve with ice cream as desired.) 

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Preheat oven to 375*F.  Combine one cup Crisco, half cup sugar, one cup brown sugar, two eggs, one cup flour, one teaspoon baking soda, one teaspoon salt, one teaspoon vanilla, two cups oatmeal, and chocolate chips to taste.  Place balls of dough on lined baking sheets and bake until golden brown, about ten minutes.  Makes about two dozen. Substitute gluten free flour for gluten free cookies.

Slutty Brownies

Preheat oven to 350*.  Prepare cookie dough recipe or mix of choice.  Prepare brownie batter recipe or mix of choice.  Grease 9×13 inch cake pan and line bottom with cookie dough.  Place whole Double Stuf Oreos over cookie dough in one layer.  Pour brownie batter evenly over top.  Bake for about forty minutes or until toothpick test passed.  Serve with vanilla ice cream.

Chocolate Crinkles

Preheat oven to 350*F. Combine one half cup unsweetened cocoa powder, one cup sugar, one quarter cup vegetable oil, two eggs, one teaspoon vanilla, one cup flour, one teaspoon baking powder, and half teaspoon salt. Create balls of dough (optional: chill briefly) and roll in powdered sugar. Bake for about twelve minutes. Makes about twelve cookies. Substitute gluten free flour for gluten free cookies.

Sugar Cookies with Frosting

Preheat oven to 375*F. Combine two and a half cups flour, one teaspoon baking soda, half teaspoon baking powder, one and a half cups sugar, one cup butter, one egg, and one teaspoon vanilla. Create balls of dough on lined baking sheet. Bake for about twelve minutes. For frosting: combine six tablespoons butter, three cups powdered sugar, three tablespoons milk, and one teaspoon vanilla. (Adjust consistency with milk/powdered sugar as desired.) Spread on cookies with method of choice; dust with sprinkles if desired.

Skillet Brownie

Preheat oven to 350*F. Slightly warm, and grease, a 10 inch cast iron skillet. In a bowl, combine three-quarter cup sugar, one and one-quarter cup brown sugar, two cups flour, half cup cocoa powder, one teaspoon salt, three-quarter teaspoon baking soda, one tablespoon vanilla, two eggs, and three-quarter cup butter. Add chocolate chips if desired. Press evenly into skillet. Bake about thirty minutes/until toothpick test passed. Substitute gluten free flour for GF version.

Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

Preheat oven to 350*F. Combine two cups rolled oats, two-third cup brown sugar, one-third cup sugar, half teaspoon salt, quarter teaspoon baking soda, one cup peanut butter, four tablespoons of butter, two eggs, and desired amount/combo chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, M&M’S, etc. Create balls of dough on lined baking sheet. Bake for about twenty minutes. Gluten-free; makes about two dozen cookies.

Brownie Cookies

Preheat oven to 350*. Combine one and one third cups flour, half teaspoon baking powder, half teaspoon salt, half cup dark unsweetened cocoa powder, one cup sugar, half cup melted butter, three tablespoons vegetable oil, one egg, two teaspoons vanilla, and desired amount of chocolate (and/or peanut butter) chips. Create balls of dough on lined baking sheet. Substitute gluten free flour for gluten free cookies. (Alternatively: skip baking chips. Place one chocolate-caramel candy—such as a Rolo—in the middle of each ball of dough, making sure it’s completely covered.) Bake for about fourteen minutes. Makes about fifteen cookies.


(See several recipes above as well.)


Combine one cup flour, one tablespoon sugar, one and a half teaspoons baking powder, one quarter teaspoon salt, one egg, one cup milk, two tablespoons butter (melted). Heat additional butter in pan on medium high heat. Add batter (desired size/amount of pancakes). Add any desired mix ins (blueberries, chocolate chips, etc.) Cook until light brown on bottom, just barely bubbling on top. Flip. Cook another minute or two until light brown on bottom. Serve with syrup, butter, or whatever is desired. Makes approximately pancakes for two or three. (For pancake bites: preheat oven 375*F. Pour pancake batter into greased or lined mini muffin pan. Bake about ten minutes.)

Energy Balls

Combine one and a half cup oats, half cup peanut butter (or desired nut butter), two tablespoons hemp or flax or chia seeds (more oats will also do), one third cup honey or maple syrup, half cup chocolate chips (or other mix ins). Combine, shape into balls, refrigerate in sealed container.


Hot Cocoa/Chocolate Milk Mix

Combine one and one-quarter cup powdered sugar, three quarter cup cocoa powder, one and a quarter cups dried milk, one teaspoon cornstarch, one teaspoon salt. Use about ¼ cup of powder per cup of liquid.

Chocolate Spoons

Melt chocolate chips/candy melts in microwave, about thirty seconds at a time, stirring. Pour melted chocolate into spoon mold; smooth out. Freeze. Remove spoons from mold carefully, store in airtight container in freezer. 

Peppermint Spoons

Unwrap starlight mints/candy canes/peppermint candy. Place in closed bag and crush into basically powder with mallet/method of choice. Pour crushed candy into spoon mold, overflowing a little. Bake at 350*F for about 8 minutes, until candy has melted. Let cool/harden. Store in airtight container at room temperature.

Our Contract

As vowed in the Blood Oath, this contract is an agreement to a Mistress/slave dynamic. Kate and Hannah are married, with Hannah as the housewife; Hannah is Kate’s owned and collared slave.

This contract supersedes all other versions of this contract as of the date it is published. This document will be considered published when it has been printed out and signed by Kate and Hannah. At that time, it is considered officially in effect and remains so until and unless replaced.


This contract is an exclusive agreement. Both agree to be monogamous. This means no power exchange, romance, kinky play, cohabitating, or sexual activity with other people, unless seriously discussed. This contract applies to Kate and Hannah only.

Schedule and Routine


Each day, Hannah will complete any tasks that Kates gives her, to the best of her ability, before they are due, with a positive attitude.

Each day, at Hannah’s convenience, the following tasks should be completed or checked on.

  • Fetch and sort the mail/loose papers on a regular schedule.
  • Generally keep the house and car tidy. Kate will generally handle her office.
  • Collect, wash, dry, and put away the laundry, following Kate’s guidelines; wash everything on a reasonable schedule; maintain any needed mending.
  • Keep surfaces and furniture clean/handle dusting.
  • Keep floors clean.
  • Maintain the pool, yard, and garage (as discussed/after renovations).
  • Take out the trash as needed.
  • Alert Kate to any home maintenance issues or handle minor ones.
  • Ensure the cats’ litter box is clean; alert Kate to any possible vet issues.
  • Restock items in the household as needed on a reasonable schedule.


  • Wake up by 8:30 AM.
  • Dress in her Uniform.
  • Complete her morning exercise routine (walk; one mile).
  • Make the bed (according to guidelines) and fold her blanket.
  • Adjust blinds, lights, windows, and scents.
  • Water plants as needed, and see to the cats’ food and water.
  • Serve brunch at 9:30 AM, table and food to Kate’s preferences.
  • The kitchen must be cleaned immediately after brunch is complete.


  • Serve dinner at 6 PM, table and food to Kate’s preferences.
  • The kitchen must be cleaned immediately after dinner is complete.
  • Shut all usual window coverings and lights; shut all windows and lock all exterior doors. Generally shut down the house.
  • Turn down the bed; lay out turndown card; unfold her blanket.
  • Fill the humidifier.
  • Be ready for Inspection at 9:20.
  • Be ready for the morning.
  • Write her slave journal entry.


  • Every Monday, sex at 4PM.
  • Every Tuesday, Hannah will see to additional/deep cleaning tasks in the bathrooms as needed, and do prep for shopping. Hannah will give Kate a pedicure at 4PM.
  • Every Wednesday, Hannah will see to additional/deep cleaning tasks in the kitchen as needed.
  • Every Thursday, Hannah will put the outdoor trash cans down by the curb. Sex at 4PM.
  • Every Friday, Hannah will bring the trash cans up the driveway once they’ve been emptied. Kate and Hannah will complete their weekly reviews. After brunch, Maintenance will occur. Maintenance discipline sessions are defined as private and non sexual. Hannah will fetch the Discipline Wand, tell Kate she is ready, and wait in the bedroom with it in Presenting Object position, nude. Kate will give Hannah a spanking with the Discipline Wand (given over Kate’s knee). Hannah will count some strokes at beginning and end in the format, “One, thank you, Mistress, please may I have another?” Then, morning Inspection, and an amount of cornertime for Hannah of Kate’s choosing.


  • Ensure the air filters get changed.
  • Clean all mirrors.
  • See to any needed leather care.
  • Handle budget items on specified days.


  • Wash accessible windows.
  • Change HEPA prefilters.
  • Rotate the mattress.
  • Change toothbrushes/toothbrush heads.
  • Ensure the sliding door gets maintained.
  • Sharpen knives.


  • Have less accessible windows professionally cleaned.
  • Clean walls as reasonable.
  • Maintain household safety features.
  • Have an exterminator service the house.
  • Get the vacuum serviced.
  • Change HEPA filters.
  • Ensure the cats get professionally groomed (twice per year).
  • Have a home inspection once every five years.
  • Effort must be made to be together on birthdays and major holidays, and observe traditions as set in the past.


Hannah is required to have Kate’s permission to do any of the following:

  • Touching herself sexually, or orgasming. (As per orgasm on command training, orgasming only following Kate saying the word “come”.)
  • Showering, when Kate is home/present.
  • Inviting people over, when Kate is home/present.
  • Uploading photos, deleting photos, or setting a profile photo on FetLife. This does not apply to the TNG account.
  • Leaving the house for any reason other than getting the mail or going for her morning walk.
  • Using the bathroom, when Kate is home/present and awake. (If in vanilla company, she will use the Bathroom Request Hand Signal. Kate will answer subtly/nonverbally.)
  • Making a phone or video call when Kate is home/present (Hannah will notify her when no longer on the call). If she receives a call, she may answer, and will notify Kate as soon as possible.
  • Playing music/audio in the house or car without headphones, when Kate is home/present.


  • Hannah may not unfriend anyone on FetLife; she may, however, unfollow. This does not apply to the TNG account.
  • Hannah may not change the thermostat.
  • Hannah may not create an account on any standard social media platform.
  • Hannah may not be answerable to someone who is not Kate (ex: have a job).
  • Hannah will archive, not delete, emails unless they are explicitly spam.
  • Hannah may not use tobacco, nicotine, marijuana, vaping, alcohol, or smoking products.
  • Hannah will follow all mentioned guidelines verbally set by Kate.
  • Hannah will change her prescription medications only with the approval of the prescribing physician, and notify Kate for final approval.
  • Hannah will not use baby powder.
  • Hannah will not own any pets. The cats belong to Kate.
  • Hannah will not lock interior doors (she may lock the bathroom when company is present).
  • Orders that Hannah receives from other kink aware people are to be redirected to Kate for approval.
  • Hannah will speak respectfully and honestly to Kate at all times.
  • Hannah will answer any message, call, or summons from Kate requiring response as soon as she can.
  • Hannah will notify Kate when she is leaving the house, and notify Kate when she is returning, if she has been gone longer than twenty minutes. She will generally keep Kate informed of her plans and will allow Kate to track her location.
  • Hannah will park the car in the shade, and refuel before hitting 1/4 tank, if possible.
  • Hannah will be responsible for interacting with delivery people and answering the door.
  • Bedtime ritual/nighttime leashing protocols are as follows: if Kate is home and awake, Hannah will ask her to remove or put on the leash. If Kate is asleep or out of the house, Hannah may remove the leash for a few minutes if needed, and will releash herself upon returning if she does. Hannah will generally be unleashed for the morning at 8:30 AM via paging Kate. If Kate is asleep when it’s time for morning unleashing, Hannah will wake her; if Kate is out of the house at that time, Hannah may unleash herself. Hannah has the option to be leashed for the night at Evening Inspection, or may stay up after that and page Kate for leashing. If Kate is out or asleep at bedtime, Hannah may leash herself for the night. Leashing or unleashing by Kate will be done in Leashing Position. Hannah will sleep nude on the floor at the foot of the bed.

Without Vanilla Company Protocols

  • When in Kate’s presence and not standing, Hannah will assume her General Kneeling Position next to Kate. She will ask Kate’s permission before changing position on the floor. She will not sit on the furniture or ask Kate’s permission to, unless directed by Kate. This does not apply to the bed. She will wait behind her chair in Waiting Position before meals.
  • Before leaving Kate’s presence, Hannah will ask if there’s anything else she can do to be of service. If yes, she will do so first. When there is nothing else, she will ask for permission to leave (proper format). If granted, she will curtsy before she leaves.
  • When entering Kate’s office, Hannah will wait quietly near the entrance until she is acknowledged. If Kate cannot see her from where she is, she may move into the room as needed and wait.
  • If Hannah enters a space Kate is in and does not make eye contact, it will be assumed that she is passing through, and she may waive the above two entering and exiting protocols.
  • Hannah will respond to orders with, “Yes, Mistress,” unless it would be disruptive to the conversation.  Response will be based on intention, not phrasing. 
  • Hannah will respond to permission or favor grants or denials with, “Thank you, Mistress,” unless it would be disruptive to the conversation.  Response will be based on intention, not phrasing. 
  • Hannah will respond to compliments or critiques with, “Thank you, Mistress,” unless it would be disruptive to the conversation.  Response will be based on intention, not phrasing. 
  • Hannah will address Kate as Mistress whenever clearly appropriate.
  • When asking for a permission, Hannah will use “may” (not “can”), always say please, and address Kate as Mistress, unless it would be disruptive to the conversation.
  • Hannah will wait for Kate to initiate interactions/speak only when spoken to. She may then assume permission to speak for the duration of that interaction. If she needs to request permission to speak, she will use Speech Request Position.

Positions and Hand Signals

  • General Kneeling Position: kneeling where directed, knees apart, big toes crossed in back (right over left), hands folded at small of back (right over left, right thumb over left thumb) unless in use, back straight. Ideal transition to kneeling: place hands in position, lower slowly to both knees at once, keeping the back straight, without wobbling, then spread knees/shift to position. Ideal transition back to standing: close knees, kneel up, stand one leg at a time, keeping the back straight and hands in position, without wobbling. (Permission must be obtained before shifting out of this position on floor.)
  • Leashing Position: General Kneeling Position, but with leash across both palms, hands resting on thighs (or offering), hair/head out of the way, collar o-ring in front. (Permission must be obtained before shifting out of this position on floor.)
  • Corner Position: standing facing wall, legs together, arms boxed behind back, nose touching wall, back straight, silent and still unless prompted.
  • Inspection Position: standing in front of Kate, legs spread, hands clasped behind head, head/eyes straight, back straight.
  • Waiting Position: standing where directed, legs together, hands folded at small of back, right over left, right thumb over left thumb, back straight, head/eyes down.
  • Presenting Object Position: “General Kneeling Position”, but with object across both palms, hands resting on thighs (or offering), head/eyes down.
  • Curtsy: from neutral/standing, back straight, lower head and eyes, grip hem of shirt on both sides between thumb and index finger and pull it slightly out, pinkies extended, place ball of right foot behind left heel, briefly bend at the knees, straighten, place feet back to neutral, release hem, raise head and eyes slightly.
  • Speech Request Hand Signal: wrists crossed in front against the waist (or where visible), fists closed. (Remain silent until/unless permission is obtained.)
  • Bathroom Request Hand Signal: tap Kate’s knee three times.


For Hannah’s daily Uniform, she will wear her assigned black and red plaid top, black knee socks, black leggings, black bra, black underwear, collar, and wedding ring. She will keep her pager clipped to her leggings (she may also keep her phone there if desired; headphones are generally permitted). Pager and wedding ring may be removed and set nearby for tasks such as doing dishes. Shoes, if worn, will be the assigned black boots. She may choose her own jackets and bags, and use bathrobes, sunglasses, aprons, masks, and gloves as reasonable, unless told otherwise. Hannah will sleep nude unless given permission otherwise, except for her collar/leash and wedding ring.

Her clothes should generally look neat, be in good repair, and fit well. She will bathe regularly and shave any body hair each time she showers unless given permission otherwise, keep her bangs at a reasonable length, and keep her nails short.  Kate will inspect Hannah’s job of shaving immediately after each time she showers, in Inspection Position. Her hair will be left down.

Hannah may add, remove, or change out Uniform clothing items without prior permission if it is necessary to maintain a vanilla facade.  She will notify Kate of it as soon as reasonable. Any other visible changes must be approved.

Daily Inspections

Each day after brunch cleanup is complete, Kate will ensure that Hannah’s morning services were adequately completed, and let her know the results either way, handling punishment if necessary. She will inspect Hannah and her uniform in Inspection Position (Hannah should be waiting in position in the bedroom and page Kate when she is ready). This will happen as part of Maintenance on Fridays.

Each day at 9:20 PM, Kate will ensure that Hannah’s evening services were adequately completed, and let her know the results either way, handling punishment if necessary. She will inspect Hannah nude in Inspection Position. (Hannah should be waiting in position, undressed, in the bedroom at 9:20). Hannah will offer Kate lotion.


Hannah is subject to being punished by Kate. When Kate decides that Hannah should be punished, she will use the following method to do so.

  • Hannah will be instructed to fetch the Discipline Wand and go to the bedroom.
  • Hannah will wait in the Presenting Object Position, nude, and presenting the Discipline Wand until directed otherwise.
  • Before spanking, Kate will prompt Hannah for why she is being punished.
  • Kate will spank Hannah with the Discipline Wand in a position of her choosing, specifying if she is to count (format: “One, thank you, Mistress, please may I have another?”)
  • Hannah will be sent to the corner for some amount of time after her spanking, Corner Position.
  • Kate will release Hannah from corner time at the conclusion of her punishment.

Light Slave Duty

Light Slave Duty is the term used to describe a period of time when Hannah will have reduced duties due to illness, etc. Hannah may request Light Slave Duty, or request to be off of Light Slave Duty. Kate will decide when Light Slave Duty is in effect, and communicate this to Hannah.

While in effect, Inspections and Schedule and Routine items may be skipped with no punishment.

Facing Issues

Both agree to raise issues verbally for small issues, and in writing for more involved issues.  The written report will include what happened to trigger the report, how it made the person feel, why they felt that way, what can be done to make it better right now, and what needs to be true for this to not happen again.  The issue will be raised as soon as possible within reason.


As vowed in the Blood Oath, the dynamic follows a total irrevocable consent model of M/s, and Hannah will not invoke safewords, limits, rights, relationship termination, or any other form of refusal.  This contract is a tool to communicate the current understandings and cannot be “enforced” from Hannah’s side.  Kate may verbally make exceptions to, add to, remove, or change its contents between published versions, and will endeavor to maintain the overall integrity of the agreement as a matter of honor rather than due to enforceability.  If Kate chooses to dissolve the dynamic, she agrees to do so in a reasonable manner after due communication, and be open to ongoing discussion on further agreements. 

What Protocol Really Says, Again

Dinner is on the table at six as always.  Lemon chicken and corn, lemons courtesy of the neighbors and their tree.  I send the requisite, Dinner is ready, Mistress, and wait in the standard position.  (Since then, we’ve gotten a pager system that covers this message.) 

Now that the house is silent after the bubbling of things on the stove and the hum of the oven, I can hear what sounds distinctly like the breathing of a sleeping person upstairs.

None of the usual sounds of motion come in response.

Still, I hold the required position and wait for several minutes in case I’m wrong.  Legs together, back straight, head and eyes down, hands behind my back, hands clasped right over left, right thumb over left thumb—every detail down. 

But eventually, feeling sure enough, I do a quiet check upstairs. Mistress is fast asleep.  Presumably not wanting to be woken. 

I go back down and eat, have moved from the table and cleared only an item or two when Mistress comes downstairs and sits.  So I approach; she grants, “You may sit,” and I do; she starts to eat and after a moment or two orders, “Entertain me.” 

So I start to tell her about whatever comes to mind, prep I’m doing for classes I’m teaching soon, things I’m adding to my website.  

She says, “You may get me more coffee,” and hands me her coffee cup.

I say, “Yes, Mistress,” to the order, and go do so, return.

“You may sit.”

So I sit and continue. 

She eats most of the corn and a few bites of chicken, stands and starts to wander off while I’m still talking, so I cut to the (at the time) requisite offer of a post dinner snack to have at hand upstairs.

She says yes, requests some of the cookies I made from scratch yesterday, ice cream with shell topping and sprinkles, and continues upstairs.  “Yes, Mistress.”  I prep the tray for her and bring it up, set it on her desk.  

“Would you like to go places?” she asks, offering permission to leave. 

I nod.

“Come give me a kiss; then you may go places.”

So I do.  As I draw back, her eyes drop a little, to about my hands, unnecessarily prompting the curtsy I always have to offer before leaving, and I go see to cleaning up dinner as required. 


This is a real example, and an average enough night for us, just one interaction of many that I’ve written down in detail, as the writer in me tends to do.  

But while I’m happy with this, I’m aware it’s the sort of thing other people sometimes cringe to watch.  There doesn’t seem to be a lot of overt deep connection in that above conversation to them.  

But it’s definitely there—that little flick of her gaze, waiting for the final exit protocol, the curtsy—says and means more to me than ten I love yous.  There’s a lot of ritual and protocol—conscious connection—built into that conversation, that speaks volumes, whether it’s where someone’s gaze moves to or an honorific or a service or a slave position—especially in our mutual quiet expectation of it.  

And, at times, obviously, conversations look different—more overt deep connection in the form that most people look for: what they call love.  The Hallmark movie kind. 

But to me, love is written all over that conversation in exactly the things I mentioned above.  Connection.  Those services and positions and honorifics are the result of countless hours of research, conversation, contract drafting, reaching, understanding, training.  The expectation of those things is built upon sometimes years of habit, routine, co-existing, obedience, consistent service, trust.  

None of those things happen without us talking to each other, understanding, adapting, learning, observing, caring, and deliberately carving the power dynamic out of the even ground we met upon.  It is the private language we build between us to say exactly what we want to say.  I love you.  I respect you.  I notice you.

Every protocol we have is thoroughly thought out.  

There might be research on practicalities.  (I didn’t learn to cook overnight.)  There might be conversations on what it means to us.  (Not being allowed on the furniture, with not being allowed to ask for it, either, waiting for the permission?  A whole talk on my views on being offered permission—generously—versus asking for it—a loaded question.) There might be her training me on how to do it properly, or me practicing alone, or both.  (That curtsy?  Those positions?  Hours in the mirror.)  There might be adapting it situationally, and figuring out when and how we need to do so.  (Cut the titles, positions, permissions in the rare vanilla company, say.) I have to do it consistently. (Thus, setting that expectation).  She has to notice and enforce it.  (Whether it’s offering a clearly desired permission I can’t ask for, creating service opportunities, or punishing accidental slips.)  

That’s a lot of connection behind the tiniest of protocols. 

And if commitment to each other and the language we deliberately build between us isn’t love—no matter how untraditional the results appear—I don’t know what is. 

Lifestyle Masochism: What I Talk About When I Talk About Masochism

Lifestyle masochism.

Every now and then, there’s a word or phrase that goes floating around the local community or FetLife that’s useful, relatable, and catches on as part of the widespread vocabulary. While lifestyle masochism is a phrase that came to me basically at random and, to my knowledge, currently lives only inside my head, I hope someone else might find it useful or relatable, because I’d love to be able to just say it and have people really understand what I mean. (Though anyone in the community might get a basic picture from the phrase itself.) 

Of course, first I have to explain what it means.

When we talk about lifestyle D/s, kink, or such, we’re talking about 24/7 dynamics, community involvement, or things that bring kink out from being the dirty secret in the bedroom to something a little more (or a lot more). Something that makes it part of the way we live, not just an activity we partake in from time to time. Y’know, a lifestyle. 

Masochism: deriving pleasure from one’s own pain or humiliation. For some, this pleasure may be sexual; for some, it may not. It’s sexual or physical for me at times, but on the lifestyle front, the sexual part is small. It’s something more like spiritual. A relationship pattern, not a series of isolated incidents. It gives me creative inspiration and catharsis, too. And when I really talk about masochism, I’m talking about the lifestyle version.

I think this has been partially true for me basically forever. Early fantasies revolved around patterns more than single instances. My desire, my need for this type of masochism—and my ability to actually handle it—has grown with time. Isolated scenes used to be a lot more fulfilling, something I craved a lot more. And I still enjoy a proper scene, whether mostly sexual, sensual, or sadistic, now and then. Sex machine? Inverted rope suspension? Hot wax? Fire? Shock collar? Proper beating Just rough sex? I’m usually down. I can go for hours for impact, and I can orgasm from pain by itself, without sexual stimulation. But it’s not really what I talk about when I talk about masochism. It’s an occasional craving, not a need.

While parts of my needed lifestyle version have been a part of our dynamic for a long time, we had a conversation a while back on this. Decided to up the frequency, intensity, and such, and really explore the area, cutting our weekly scenes in favor of focusing on this, still leaving room for occasional proper scenes. Mistress’ first concern, which was fair, was: Can you do this? 

A lot of people, she said—well, if you’re deep in the BDSM world, “a lot of people”—say they want this. Fewer actually do, and fewer yet have both the desire and the ability to handle it. Sometimes you want things you can’t have. Sometimes you find out it’s not what you want at all. 

I agreed; but I was, and am, reasonably confident. We’ve had elements of this in our dynamic for a long time, and a solid foundation of mutual respect, trust, and love. We understood the risks and felt willing to take them. I’m not too fragile. She agreed.

One minority niche we fall into is (and this is another kink phrase I basically made up, as far as I know—though I’ve seen it in law occasionally) irrevocable consent. It’s my current catch all for what some call CNC, some call TPE, some call blanket consent—all with a lot of leeway in meaning. Irrevocable consent, for me, means I gave Mistress full consent once, and I can’t take it back now. No no, no safewords, no limits, no contract termination, no rights, no privacy, no initiating a divorce. Down to no suicide, there is no way out. She has 24/7, no conditions power over me, all areas of life. I don’t get a guarantee of aftercare, sobriety, or safety practices. She does things I would call limits if I currently defined them (inside of play and out), goes past when I would use a safeword if that was something I did. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. The agreement may be honor bound, but that doesn’t mean I take it lightly.

What with this being our framework, this means that by introducing more lifestyle masochism practices, we ran one major risk: that if I could not truly say no (via safewording or declaring limits or whatnot), and with these practices designed to bring about certain emotions, it would be hard to tell what was the desired level of suffering and what was the you can’t handle it; this is a bad idea scenario. We agreed to ongoing “outside of the moment” communication, mostly via adding a question about it to Meta Friday (our weekly check in, via written survey) and agreeing to use the written form we have for raising such issues if it came up. I’d recommend these highly.

Now that I’ve said all this: what is it I’m on about? 

What we decided to introduce was more—what we call—“random acts of violence”. Slapping, hair pulling, choking, collar grabbing, biting, scratching, pressure point using, pinning, knifeplay—on the short and quick side. Just throughout the day. Not as sex (necessarily), play, special event, discipline. Just as its own thing, scattered throughout time. Things I can dislike in the moment, but overall gain a deeper sense of submission from, because I don’t like it in the moment, but submit anyway. 

None of these acts were new; it was just increasing frequency and intensity. Making it look less like kinky flirting and more like something easily mistaken for abuse. On the slightly longer side: more watersports (sometimes complete with turning the shower on cold), beating (less so the multiple implement, long, planned scenes in the dungeon with warmup and cooldown, but more of impulsively grabbing the nearest suitable object and going hard and fast wherever we may be in the house—kicking and punching always easily accessible), sex when I’m not in the mood at least to start (maybe paired with not being allowed to orgasm) or with humiliation and pain. Also nothing new, but now upped. All paired with suited verbal exchanges—mostly humiliation, themes of Stockholm syndrome and victim blaming, martyrdom and the kicked puppy complex, possessiveness. A consistent element of truth—not taking it back—is essential for me. 

A character touched on this recently in my BDSM fiction series: 

“No. Don’t take it back. Say it. Mean it. Mean it even when we’re done, and don’t care. Tell me I’m worthless. Mean it. Prove it. Make it true. Keep me anyway to tell me again tomorrow. Let me be nothing and love me for it. Break me just so you can fix it and do it again. Make me harder to break next time. Make me able to take more and more. Just for the challenge. Make me run so you can catch me. Make me fight so you can pin me down. Make me bleed so you can treat my wounds. Hurt me until I beg for mercy just so you can give it to me and feel good about it. Let me be grateful for it. Make me wait longer to beg next time. Make my head spin. Make my world spin until I can only cling to you; control it until you become my God. Take out the rest of the world on me. Hurt me when you want to hurt someone else, because I’ll let you. Let me be good and love you and love you and love you no matter what you do. Let me love you because of it. Be sadistic. Be cruel. Be merciless. Teach me to love you anyway. Let me feel good about it. Let me be the kicked puppy that follows you home anyway. Take it all out on me and let me love you for taking it out on me instead of the world who didn’t ask for it. Let me be your reward for being good to everyone else. Tell me that’s pathetic. Believe it. Love me for it anyway. Tell me I’m pathetic. Mean it more than you’ve ever meant anything else. But keep me to tell me again tomorrow.” 

It’s been excellent so far, and we are diving deeper into it. 

There are other ways that forms of masochism creep into our dynamic. We thrive on 24/7 high protocol, and being a service slave is happily my full time job. This introduces elements of masochistic asceticism (in protocols that limit my “indulgences”—whether it’s wearing something that’s not my very specific uniform, sitting on or sleeping on the furniture, etc.) as well as the energy challenges of providing consistently excellent service (full time level hours and 24/7 on call adds up; not to mention my love of serving the kink and vanilla community—volunteering, teaching—and guests). Keeping focused requires a level of minimalism and mindfulness. There is not room for much in my life that doesn’t come back to being a slave in some way, distractions, and I have to be constantly “on” to not slip on protocol, no matter what, even if it’s the tiniest details—finger or toe placement—of our daily slave position repertoire. We have a firm disciplinary dynamic as well, and while I behave, there are occasional accidents and such—and lack of lenience here goes hand in hand with everything else (complete with two daily inspections and weekly maintenance discipline). I’m summing these elements up quickly here, but they’re not a small part of it. 

It’s definitely not for everyone, but it seems like it sure is for us. 

“But How Do You Just Hang Out?”: High Protocol in 24/7 Dynamics

“But how do you just… hang out?” 

Outside of maybe but how do you remember all that (a great question for another day), it’s probably the number one question I get when I talk about high protocol in the context of my dynamic, which is 24/7, live in, just two of us in the house and neither of us works outside the home; being a slave is my only full time occupation.   

Well, let’s look at an example.  This basic example happens on average multiple times a day and is probably our most typical interaction outside of a few other more specific rituals.

I enter Mistress’ office to talk about something.  I wait for her to acknowledge me, silent until she does so, not barging in already talking.  She’s doing something on the computer.  When she does look up a moment later and asks, “What’s up?” I kneel next to her, trying to be graceful about it, lowering to both knees at once without my hands.  There’s a recliner right behind me, but I’m not allowed to sit on the furniture in her presence or to ask to do so; she grants the permission pretty much only for meals.  We’re already talking as I do so, position not noted. 

We talk.  After a while, my legs are going numb.  I’m to hold the specific position until I ask and get permission otherwise (that, I am allowed to ask for).  I’m kneeling, sitting back on my heels, knees apart (big toes crossed, right over left), hands behind my back (hands clasped, thumbs crossed, both right over left), back straight.  Subconscious by now except for straightening my back now and then.  At whatever natural brief lull in the conversation, I ask, “May I stretch?” and she says, “You may,” as almost always.

Usually, permission grants (or denials), are answered with, “Thank you, Mistress,” but for ones that take a matter of seconds to complete, it’s waived, so I shift slightly and the conversation quickly resumes without it that time, though it may be sprinkled elsewhere in the conversation.  Orders, answered with, “Yes, Mistress,” have the same exception built in for practicality. 

When we’re about wrapping up talking, I ask as required to before I ask if I may go, “Anything else I can do?”  

“You may get me coffee.” 

An order (intention, not phrasing, which matters when deciding to respond with the thank you or yes) like that counts as permission to leave, so I don’t ask that part, but I do say, “Yes, Mistress,” stand, again trying to have hands free grace about it, and offer a quick curtsy, the final part of the little leaving ritual, head down, thumbs and forefingers grasping the skirt like hem of my long shirt—which is a uniform, part of the only, really specific outfit I’m allowed to wear, but looks like pretty normal attire—and placing the ball of my right foot behind my left heel for the quick little bob down and up, grab the drink, and exit. 

I bring her the refill—exactly as she likes it—and this time she simply says in acknowledgement, “You may go,” cutting the need to ask about anything else or permission to leave, so I curtsy again as required and exit. 

Clearly, I have to focus on the protocol oriented bits of this interaction to explain it, but you’ll notice that there’s a lot that and then we talk can encompass and how much of it is sheer habit at this point and/or completely unnoted.  Granted, when others witness it for the first time, they often quickly notice elements that we barely pay attention to at this point, if they don’t find it plain jarring.

(“You may get me coffee,” was something from Mistress’ side that once disturbed a new guest who was aware of our dynamic but not of the details, as an order at once both incredibly direct—not softened up as a question or with please or thanks, but also phrased as a permission.  To the outsider, it looked demeaning, the, “You may do as I tell you/serve me.”  But it is, also, genuinely a permission; service is definitely a privilege, and one that I enjoy being granted, and the guest was reassured of this after I happily said, “Yes, Mistress,” and got the coffee.) 

But there’s a lot of just hanging out in there and the protocol is normal for us at this point.  It’s not weird, so to speak, that, say, I’m kneeling (usually, later sitting) on the floor the whole time.  I actually prefer the floor and Mistress often finds me sitting on the floor when she comes to find me even when I’m not in her presence and thus not required to be there.  I’m writing this post sitting alone on the floor of my office right now.

You can also see through that how the vast majority of the overt protocol involved, rather than the silent maintenance of them, is at the beginning and end of the interaction.

This is true in other interactions and rituals, too.  For example, our protocols at meals.

I serve meals at two specific times of the day—brunch at 9:30 AM and dinner at 6 PM.  The timing, obviously, influences the beginning.  When the table is set (properly, according to guidelines) and food is out, I press the button on our pager system’s transmitter to page her/alert her that dinner is ready. Then, I wait behind my assigned chair—the one to her right—as required in the position: legs together, hands behind my back (same details as in the kneeling position), back straight, head and eyes down.  I hold this position, not looking up or around, as she comes down the stairs and approaches me at the dining table until she gets close enough she acknowledges me by offering a kiss and granting table permission with, “You may sit.” 

Then, the meal proceeds usually without overt protocol until the end, when she leaves, and I clean up the kitchen (which, as a rule, has to be done immediately).  On some quieter nights, keeping to the function of eating, we’re done by 6:15 and off to whatever has our minds occupied (after cleanup, for me).  Sometimes we happily get lost in conversation about anything and everything and linger until after 7.  Generally, I assume I will have ample time for my tasks before evening inspection and bedtime. But there is definitely a range, especially with company.

And I suppose that because our protocol never really shuts off (just some overt things removed in the rare case of vanilla company), if you count interactions that do have those protocol bits as not just hanging out, then maybe we just don’t do it, but we don’t see it that way, so it feels like good old quality time to us, with the bonus of moments of reinforcing and expressing our dynamic. 

It’s really hard to explain to people how much you can get used to until they experience it themselves (if they enter such a scenario).  How much becomes second nature and genuinely doesn’t cross my mind as out of the ordinary until it’s mentioned.  I had to glance at our contract while writing this post to make sure I remembered to note certain things as protocols at all, not just habits that slipped my mind to mention in a protocol oriented post. It is truly much harder for me to stop acting on most of our protocols (that vanilla company scenario) than it is to follow them.

So, for us it’s just hanging out, or some kind of equivalent, maybe like a relaxed day at work versus a relaxed day at home for some people, except as a slave, I’m kind of always at work. 

But, it works for us. 

My Typical Day, Told in Slave Positions

Leashing Position: kneeling on the floor at foot of bed, knees apart, big toes crossed in back (right over left), leash across both palms, hands resting on thighs, hair/head out of the way, collar o-ring in front, back straight.  

First thing in the morning. At 8:10 AM, my alarm goes off. I shut it and hit the assigned pager transmitter button to buzz Mistress’ pager with the message for an unleashing request. My pager—slave bell—unbuzzed by this particular alert, sits nearby. I get in Unleashing Position, presenting the leash, shifting on my blanket on the floor at the foot of the bed—slave furs—that I sleep on. The cocoon of the blanket slips from around me, cool air hitting my bare skin. Mistress comes in and unclips the leash for me with greetings and affection, and, as always, asks if I have any questions for her. I, as always, ask for permission to use the restroom, as required if I need to use it. She grants it. 

“Thank you, Mistress.” Also as required, but genuine. 

“You’re welcome, slavegirl.” 


Waiting Position: standing where directed, legs together, hands folded at small of back, right over left, right thumb over left thumb, back straight, head/eyes down.

After my other required morning tasks, I serve brunch at 9:30 daily. I check my table setting one more time and hit the pager transmitter button that lives in the dining room. Then, I get into Waiting Position. I stay there until she approaches and acknowledges me with the usual, “You may sit,” and a kiss. (I’m not allowed to ask permission to sit on the furniture.) So I sit, and we eat brunch and talk. 


Inspection Position: standing in front of Mistress, legs spread, hands clasped behind head, head/eyes straight, back straight.

I clean up brunch immediately after as required, and have a few minutes to spare to see to other things. Then, my alarm goes off to tell me it’s time for Morning Inspection.

I go into the bedroom, and wait in Inspection Position. I hear Mistress going to check on my morning tasks. Then, she comes in. She circles me, checking my daily Uniform, checking me, making assorted comments and having fun poking and prodding me. She tells me I did all of my morning service tasks well, releases me from position. I offer her sunscreen lotion for the day as required and apply it for her.

(We also use Inspection Position when I ask permission to shower and do so—I find her and present for Inspection after so she can check my job of the required shaving, etc.) 


General Kneeling Position: kneeling on the floor where directed, knees apart, big toes crossed in back (right over left), hands folded at small of back (right over left, right thumb over left thumb), back straight.

I spend the day writing, working on SlaveClass, organizing things for Las Vegas TNG, seeing to slave duties, doing butler school coursework, and doing other things. 

At some point, though, I seek Mistress out. I wait in the doorway of her office, silent until she beckons me in, as required. Then, I kneel next to her as always, trying to be graceful about it. We talk. After a while, I get permission to shift into whatever position’s comfortable on the floor.

(This or something close typically happens several times per day.) 

Curtsy: from neutral/standing, back straight, lower head and eyes, grip hem of shirt on both sides between thumb and index finger and pull it slightly out, pinkies extended, place ball of right foot behind left heel, briefly bend at the knees, straighten, release hem, raise head and eyes, place feet back to neutral. 

After we’ve chatted for a while longer, I ask if there’s anything else I can do to be of service. This time, she says no. Then, I’m allowed to ask permission to leave. This time, she says yes. So, I stand, trying to be graceful, curtsy as required, and exit. 

(This or something close typically happens several times per day.) 


Waiting Position (2)

I serve dinner at 6 PM daily. Once again, I check my table setting one more time and hit the pager transmitter button that lives in the dining room, then get into Waiting Position. After a minute or two, Mistress approaches and acknowledges me with, “You may sit,” and a pat on the head or such. So, we sit, we eat dinner, we talk. 


Inspection Position (2)

I clean up dinner immediately as required, and see to other evening tasks. As a few last things, I turn down the bed, lay out the turndown card, fill the humidifier. At 9:20, it’s time for Evening Inspection. I strip out of my Uniform and wait in the bedroom in Inspection Position, wearing only my collar and wedding ring. Mistress checks my evening tasks. She comes in, circles me, looks me over, pokes and prods and slaps and teases. She tells me I did all of my evening service tasks well, releases me from position. I offer her lotion as required and apply it for her. Then, she orders me into…


Leashing Position (2) 

I present my leash, on my blanket on the floor at the foot of the bed that’s been unfolded and set up for the night. She leashes me for the night. We might cuddle and talk for a while, and then it’s time for sleep. 

Recommended Resources


Creating Captivating Classes by Shay and Stefanos Tiziano

Dear Raven and Joshua by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

Devyn Stone

Kink Academy

Manual Creation by Machele Kindle

Master/slave Mastery – Updated by Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield

Paradigms of Power by Raven Kaldera

Science of BDSM

Seed and Sulphur

Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin

Slave-ography by Slave Patrick

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

So you want to be a slave: The Realities – miria hunter

Submissive Guide

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton

Unruly Nerd Girl


Butlers and Household Managers, 21st Century Professionals by Steven Ferry

International Institute of Modern Butlers Courses (Full Private Residence Butler/Household Manager Online Course)

Serving the Wealthy: The Modern Butler’s & Household/Estate(s) Manager’s Companion: Volumes 1 and 2 by Steven Ferry

The Butler Speaks by Charles MacPherson

Customer Service

Be Our Guest by Theodore B. Kinni

Lessons in Service from Charlie Trotter by Edmund Lawler

Start with Why by Simon Senek’s Hospitality & Tourism Management Training’s Classes (Especially Table Service and Housekeeping Principles/Applications)

Food, Alcohol, Cigars

Alcohol Awareness Card Course (Varies By Location)

Bartending For Dummies by Ray Foley

Cooked by Michael Pollan

Dictionary of Culinary & Menu Terms by Rodney Dale

Food Allergy Training by 360Trainings

Food Safety Manager Card Course (Varies By Location)

How to Repair Food by Tanya Zeryck

Pocket Wine Book by Hugh Johnson

The Art of The Table by Suzanne von Drachenfels

The Ultimate Cigar Book by Richard Carleton Hacker

Think Like a Chef by Tom Colicchio

Wine Folly: the Essential Guide to Wine by Madeline Puckette

Wine For Dummies by Ed Mccarthy

Mental Health

Almost Anorexic by Jennifer Thomas and Jenni Schaefer

Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison

Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen

Health At Every Size

Intuitive Eating

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Plate By Plate

Recovery Road

The Appetite (Podcast)

The Collected Schizophrenias by Esmé Weijun Wang

The Great Pretender by Susannah Cahalan

Productivity and Philosophy

8760 Hours

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Deep Work by Cal Newport

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

Essentialism by Greg McKeown

From Chaos to Creativity by Jessie Kwak

Getting Things Done by David Allen

How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

The Productivity Project by Chris Bailey


Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners by John Morgan

Emily Post’s Etiquette by Emily Post

Master/slave Mastery – Protocols by Robert Rubel and M. Jen Fairfield

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Slave Position Guide from Restrained Elegance

The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette by Nancy Tuckerman and Nancy Dunnan

The Ritual of Dominance & Submission by David English


Bloodborne Pathogens Training by

Fire Safety Training by ProTrainings’s Classes (Especially Adult, Child and Baby First Aid/CPR/AED)

The American Red Cross First Aid and Safety Handbook by American Red Cross


Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy

Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendelson

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny

Service Notebook by Joshua Tenpenny

Wardrobe and Fabric

Men’s Wardrobe by Kim Johnson Gross

Ready to Wear by Mary Lou Andre

The Book of Fine Linen by Francoise de Bonneville

On Asking Permission vs. Being Offered It

My uniform code specifies no hair styling or makeup or jewelry except my collar, smart watch, and wedding ring; no tattoos, piercings, hair cutting or coloring.  It occurs to me very rarely to ask to shake it up; fashion has never been my thing, especially over convenience.   

There’s a thing or two that’s not my uniform that’s stuck around to be worn on special occasions; Mistress has me wear it to the occasional holiday party or on her birthday.  This past year on my own birthday, I asked to wear a sweater I’d received for the recently passed Christmas before donating it; she said yes.  (The sweater was from her mother.)

Oddly inspired, I recently asked to put my hair in two braids mostly to functionally keep it out of the way and off my neck in the three digit heat when we went out to play tennis; she said yes. It felt like a strangely big thing to ask for without a real occasion.  My uniform hairstyle was a twisted ponytail for about a year until we found out it was causing headaches; it’s been about a year of leaving it down since.  The only time I’d asked for a hairstyle modification previously was that birthday with the sweater. [I am now allowed to put it up in a bun with a clip at will.]

When it does occur to me to ask, I rarely do.  It’s the one percent when I ask of the one percent when I think of it.  It feels… loaded.  I feel like I need a justification, or something that waters it down, like a brief timeframe.  I think of the circumstances and if I’m ahead on chores and what mood she’s in and if she’s busy and what other things I’ve asked permission for recently; I probably ask or gain permission for dozens of things a day, most of them being granted permission to leave her presence or shift from my kneeling position on the floor.  Little things.  But the may I… comes up so often that I don’t want to add to the count unnecessarily.   

Usually, at dinner time, when I’ve just put the food on the table, I send her a message; she has an alarm set for ten minutes before our set time, six, so she knows to wrap up what she’s doing.  My message is a final notification. And then she’ll come downstairs and either tell me I may sit at the table, or tell me first to get her more coffee, more water, something from the kitchen. 

Once, she came downstairs and mistakenly thought I had asked for permission to sit before she simply granted it without the question.  Usually her first words at the bottom of the stairs or edge of the dining room were, “You may sit,” before I say anything. This time, though, she thought I had asked first and seemed a little bewildered.  I had to laugh, a little, because she had previously teased me for not sitting at the table before she got downstairs, leaving me technically alone, thus able to sit on the furniture at will.  Later, I reflected to her that it felt rather like rules lawyering to sit at the table when I was alone but knew she’d be down in a minute at my notification, the thing in the back of my mind that kept me from doing so. 

I brought this up to her along with an idea.  What if I didn’t ask to sit on the furniture?  What if I only did so if she granted the permission unprompted?  As an offer of permission, it’s generous; as a question, it’s loaded.  I explained how much goes on in my head when I ask permission for things and expressed that this seemed like a simple permission to experiment with, because I so rarely have to actually ask, and it’s an easy thing for her to notice I might want.  Once I cleared up one misunderstanding and she heard my explanation, she agreed to give it a shot, noting only the promise of punishment if I complained about an opportunity where she didn’t offer the permission.  

It’s been going well so far, and largely unnoted.  I’ve enjoyed it.  I think I sit on the furniture a little less, which is fine by me.  Headspace reinforcing.  

We shortly thereafter added a position to our repertoire that I wait behind my chair in, after sending that final message: legs together, hands clasped at the small of my back, back straight, head and eyes down.

One friend, visiting and then running a brief errand and returning, came back and found us with Mistress on the couch, and me kneeling in front of her on the floor in my standard position, knees apart, hands again clasped at the small of my back.  He asked if he was interrupting.  “No, no, just having a conversation,” she told him.  He still seemed to be backing away. 

“Not a conversation,” I told him, seeing what he was eyeing; “but like, chatting.  This is just how we talk.” 

Realization or remembering dawned and we proceeded.  

Yes, I guess it can look a little formal, but I often forget what it looks like to a third party.  To us, it’s natural.  It probably does look like we’re having a conversation visually even if we’re audibly discussing the weather or what’s for brunch.  It was barely in my head until it was noticed during that conversation, less notable than the unleashing position I’d assumed early that morning to get out of bed, or the inspection position I’d assumed after my shower, and those weren’t much conscious, either.  It was just, I was wiping down the coffee station, Mistress was sitting on the couch, she said, “When you’re done wiping that down, come kneel over here,” and I said, “Yes, Mistress,” and did. 

But the formality difference might have been somewhere in my head when I hesitated to ask to sit on the furniture, and it feels better to wait for the offer, or not do so at all—to be more at her true whim.  That’s a great feeling.